I live alone again, this time twenty pounds lighter than the last time I lived alone, and my deepest darkest fear is ever being obese again. The day I achieved the formidable status of “overweight” my heart palpitated with pride. I love food. I love making food, eating food, talking about food, touching food, tasting food... I Google recipes to gawk at pictures of steaming hot luscious plates of food that I can't have.
My “weight loss” journey (as it is generally called) started in early 2008 when I was tired of being fat. I had never been small by any stretch of the imagination, but I always had in the back of my mind that I would never see 200 lbs. Ever. That was my limit. Being married and always going out and parties and fun pushed me past 200 to the dreadful state that was 217.
I joined Weight Watchers.
There's so many valuable lessons they have to teach even if you don't necessarily agree with the philosophy of what to eat or how to eat. Being a part of a weight loss program in general focuses your mind inward, letting you be selfish and watch things for yourself. You start cooking for one in your head despite the fact that you're feeding other people. Luckily my ex-husband was generally open to the idea of eating a little better, so of course when we parted ways we were both at least 30 pounds lighter than we were together.
I plateaued at 184 when I started actually acquiring muscle and the stall devastated me. Technically still obese, I tried everything to spark a loss. Went Vegan for all of three days (cheese = love, if you weren't aware). Living on my own helped me maintain since there we
re very few opportunities to go out to eat. The plateau turned to a stand still despite my exercise routine and things like walking to and from the grocery store. I tried to be happy with what I had done. I could wear a bathing suit without scaring children. All my pants were new and were the size I'd worn in high school. I should be happy.
Things happen in life. Changes come. And a drastic change of living arrangements caused me to drop my exercising all together. I moved from Kentucky to New Hampshire after gaining 10 pounds back from what I had lost. It seems like nothing... but being in a new place, what else is there to do than try all of the new food? It took absolutely no time at all before my clothes wouldn't fit and I was staring 200 back in its ugly red face with its beady little eyes. 203, actually. Five months after moving to New Hampshire I took to Weight Watchers one more time, since it really did work for me. I don't do well under stringent rules.
I did a couple things differently the second time. I waited on the exercise. I let myself lose about 15 pounds before I started exercising again hoping that the 184 plateau wouldn't grab ahold of me again. This technique, no matter how backward, worked fabulously! I got to see 179 on the scale! I weighed in the 170s!!! That's middle school, people! The fat girl was vindicated. I knew I could do more. I started going to the YMCA to work out. I got to where I could run to my car after working out for an hour. I had so much energy. I felt so good about myself. I had reached the low 170s when the plateau set in. Then I contracted Mononucleosis.
In learning about Mono both from the two page printout the doctor gave me (scientific, isn't it?) to what I found online, it seems to hit everyone differently. I was scared. I was running a fever, vomiting, in excruciating pain. I stopped eating. I couldn't stay awake long enough for dinner. I went to the doctor and they immediately thought it was my gallbladder from the side of my stomach that I was complaining about. I thought I had done it to myself. I'd never really focused on nutrition so much as just getting the weight off. I thought I wasn't eating enough fat and I had ruined one of my internal organs. I started to overcompensate and shove fat down my throat as fast as I could, hoping to undo the damage that I had done. I dropped nearly 10 pounds in two weeks while eating Wendy's (large fries, please).
After some pleasant tests at the hospital we'd come to the conclusion that my gallbladder was never better... and one little blood test (out of 4) showed that I was positive for the Mono. I saw 169... 167... 165... nothing had ever been so kind to me as Mono had. But I couldn't exercise anymore. You're really not supposed to because your spleen can rupture even after your symptoms slow down, but I wanted to lose more weight. I'd gotten really into Yoga a couple months before I got sick and I could do so many things I could never do before. Two months after getting Mono I would do a Yoga routine for 20 minutes and be down the rest of the day with a stomach ache. Exercising was over for a while. I quit going to the Y for fear of hurting myself.
About this time I bought my first home and my boyfriend moved in with me. I kept dropping 
weight without exercising. I was eating well, but we were enjoying the food in our new city. I saw 161. And then the Mono wore off.
The doctor gave me clearance to start exercising again this past August. I hadn't done anything in 6 months. I joined a gym after stress eating brought me back up to 174. Building muscle back added some weight but I'm happy to say that today I'm pretty pleased with being back down to 165. I have a goal to be 150 pounds, though if I were still participating in Weight Watchers my goal would be 146. I can't imagine what that is going to look like! I haven't been 146 in... ever? Don't I have bones and organs... they weigh something!
The purpose of this blog is to help me not to lose focus. I'm alone again for the second time in my adult life and I refuse to gain weight back. Not only do I want the scale to reflect my efforts but I want to try to do this as healthfully as possible. When you live alone, it becomes all too easy to come home to a bowl of cereal for dinner, or grab something quick on your way home since no one else has to put their two cents in on your food choice. I need to keep my food focus inward and actually worry about myself. Worry about what I'm putting in my mouth.
Future posts will contain recipes, tips and personal experiences with cooking for one and the challenges that arise from trying to stay healthy on a tight food budget. I embark on this new quest mere days before Thanksgiving. Luckily for me, of all the food that I fantasize about, it's the food that comes out between Thanksgiving and Christmas that I couldn't care less about. I hate reading food magazines this time of year because the food just doesn't interest me. Maybe it's my disgust for leftovers...
NEXT WEEK: Cooking for one away from home. How will house sitting affect my healthy diet?
You look absolutely incredible! I am looking so forward to your new blog and what you have to share with us! :D
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