Advice and How to Overcome My Sinus Headache

I haven't found much to write about the last few weeks because I haven't exactly cooked or done anything interesting. Going through that lull where I just try to eat the food in the fridge and the pantry, very low key, very few left overs.

Of course that leads to a lot of eating out (or at least wanting to go out to eat only to try to satisfy that urge with canned chili or bacon and eggs).

I've been having about a 4 lb struggle here recently, gaining it and losing it. But 4 pounds is nothing against 80 pounds so I've got no qualms unless my pants start to get tight. Right now, after a weekend of detox and good behavior (despite a slight cold) I'm just a pound shy of back to normal. Let's talk about the last week or so.

Now that I'm healthier, fitter, thinner... sickness comes in a confusing mist. It creeps in slowly. And then when I finally figure out that I'm sick it's not the same. I'm not completely out of commission. Just confused and uncomfortable and stuffy. Slight sinus pressure. I think I'd rather be out of commission because at least then there'd be a good reason why I'm fatigued and lazy. When I have the feeling that I'm able to do more, I'm more prone to trick myself into exercising. Instead I force myself to relax and I feel like I'm wasting valuable calorie burning time.

Last weekend I had two days that I could have ran. I ran 2 miles during lunch last Thursday and then Saturday was snowy and rainy and gross, so I decided that I'd put it off until Sunday (spent Saturday doing marathon Christmas shopping instead). Sunday I got up, went to the grocery, and the wet cold in the air dragged me down and I couldn't bring myself to go outside in it. Then the dark... I came up with so many excuses and missed an entire weekend of running for the first time in a long while.

Bowling on Monday nights, so I couldn't run after work. Had a nice evening Tuesday night making dinner with my handsome gentleman, who is back home sans venison. Wednesday night I didn't go to dance class because I literally had no clothes to wear to work the next day (I also fell asleep before 9). That's the day I ordered pizza. Domino's new Pan Pizza is delicious. So was the entire order of Cinna Stix that I ate. It took me 3 sittings to finish a medium pizza, so I didn't give myself too much grief about that. But Thursday morning I had a touch of a sore throat.

By the end of the day Thursday I'd attended a luncheon for work that had this delightful cheesecake-like cake with powered sugar... of which I had a piece. I had three rolls because I never get rolls. Friday I had to run an errand for work, now ¾ of a full blown sore throat, so I got a big cinnamon roll at Panera. Luckily the rest of the day I behaved myself.

But today I got in a 2 mile run. Didn't want to do too much because it'd been over a week since I'd ran last. Last night I tried something new, an app for my phone called Sworkit. Recommended by a Friend as well as something I'd seen on Pinterest... it's pretty fun. You pick how many minutes you want to do a circuit workout and then you pick the part of your body you want to work. God knows why I picked upper body since that's my weakest part (maybe... my core isn't terribly strong either...) but I went back and forth between push ups, diamond push ups, wall push ups, jumping jacks, triceps dips, laying triceps lifts, overhead presses... you get the idea. 30 seconds per exercise and you get a 30 second break every few exercises. It was fun! Only did it for 15 minutes, since I technically was sick. But I burned 95 calories for the 15 minutes and that helped me stay within my 1220 for the day. Looking forward to trying it again and seeing what all else it has to throw at me.

I'm a little afraid that I will cheat with it. My Jillian videos I tend to push hard because she's yelling and motivating and yea, I find myself apologizing to her out loud when I have to stop for a second and catch my breath. I finally got to try her Killer Buns and Thighs workout and holy crap. I also decided to try Level 2 of Yoga Meltdown and I almost like it better. Except for “Crow.” I fell on my face for that one. That hurts when you wear glasses.

I think I'm finally back to normal. Except for this splitting sinus headache.

Have a few things coming up soon that should be enjoyable. Baby shower tomorrow (mental note to stay away from the cake no matter how much it titillates me). Office “holiday” party on Friday (mental note to stay away from cookies and various other awesome things. Sounds like my gentleman will be accompanying me, so I'll just feed them to him and steal a bite). Christmas comes soon and with that a couple days out of the office so hopefully that'll be some good time to work out. Have a 5k on New Year's day that I'm pretty psyched about.

As an aside: I also haven't posted in a while because I had this grandiose idea of doing a post all about reintroduction. But then I realized that I'd have to go back and reread my first post; read my introduction. And I just couldn't do it. I've grown past it. I get embarrassed when I fess up that I've lost 80 pounds. I am proud of myself, don't get me wrong... but when I'm home in my sweats and sports bra, rocking out planks in my living room and the skin from my stomach hangs in the middle of my abdomen, the rest of me firm but that bit of me hanging, scarred with stretch marks; that's enough of a reminder. I don't need to read about it.

So I guess what I can say is, if you've never read my blog before, I'm a 27 (nearly 28! almost my bday!) woman living on her own in New Hampshire. For a little over a year now I've been chatting here about my weight loss, life changes, and food that I enjoy eating in order to stay on track with my healthy lifestyle. I've lost 80 pounds since 2008. I'm in the most liberating and interesting relationship of my life. I like to run. I like to dance. I'd never participated in a team sport until this year. Before 2012 I'd never run a mile, let alone three of them. I'd never eaten avocado. Never ridden on a motorcycle.

And now this life I live daily, though it's hard... I love every moment of it. So many things could improve. But there's so much that I like just the way they are.

I give advice sometimes. And now that I'm an old pro at this eating healthy, exercising thing... I think about what I want to tell people. So many just aren't ready. It's gradual. It's hard to let go of the things you think you want or need. But if you're looking to get started or you need some new motivation, here's some tips I try to fill my own head with.

1. Your journey starts at the grocery store. Look at the nutrition facts. If you can't have ONE serving of this item at a time, don't buy it. Example: the store I go to most keeps their protein/nutritional needs in the bread aisle (bastards). They've stopped carrying my whey protein in the big containers so I was contemplating trying a new kind... also eying the protein bars to see if anything looked interesting. Saw some Balance Mini Bars that looked good (only 100 calories) but I couldn't justify the sugar. Anyway, along with the bread in this aisle, there's donuts. I LOVE powdered sugar donuts. Love them with a big glass of milk. I'm sure a serving of those is 1 donut. And it's not that I couldn't eat just one... but because I live alone, if I eat one and then the box sits open a couple days, they're going to go bad. So is it worth buying them to throw them all away? Or is it worth buying them to risk eating them all, justified by the fact that they're going to go stale so I should just eat them all now. Don't bring things into your home. If you're prepared with good food, you're going to eat good food.

2. Don't accept excuses. There's an excuse I hear a lot that I can't exactly sympathize with but I think excuses can be abolished with a positive attitude no matter what they are. That excuse is that you have to have junk food in the house because you have kids. Now, I don't have kids... but what kinds of favors are you doing for your kids and for yourself by having junk food in the house? Honestly, you're giving those kids a future like my past and present. They're going to learn to eat the wrong things and then they're going to have to find a way to overcome it. Other excuses tend to revolve around other people. Someone's partner or spouse doesn't like vegetables. Your significant other can't live without junk in the house so you have to live with it. But there are ways to overcome it. My boyfriend's fit and eats well, but he's got a cabinet full of no-no food. I just don't go in there. If your husband can't live without Oreo cookies and that's your trigger food, he can take them to work and leave them there. Do what you need to do to be strong. The eating is the hard part. When you can lose weight and overcome habits... the exercise is easy.

3. Don't be afraid to not clean your plate. ESPECIALLY at restaurants. If you need to put half the plate in a box before you start eating, do it. Do what you need to do to be strong. To be successful. Because no one is going to notice but you. And once these things become habits and they become second nature you'll wonder why you didn't do it in the first place.

4. Stop drinking soda. I haven't had a soda since September 20^th. I know because I track my food like a crazy person and I flipped through all of my records to find the last time I had it. And the last time I had a Coke, it was one of those tiny little 90 calorie Cokes. And back to excuses, don't use diet soda as an excuse to have it. Ever watch Mythbusters? When they tried to figure out why the Mentos did the reaction with the diet soda, they split up the ingredients inside the soda to see which ingredients had the reaction. You don't need to drink chemicals. Now, black coffee... drink up if you need the caffeine. Water's good for you. Drink it.

5. Write it down. If you have a Smartphone try My Fitness Pal. If you don't, write it down on paper. Then you'll know what you've eaten, you'll know what you have left to eat.

I could go on. But I know that advice falls on deaf ears. You don't know how much strength it takes for me not to go crazy lady in the grocery when I see the things people put in their carts. This morning an obese woman was walking past me and she had a frozen red velvet cake in her cart and I just want to shake her and say, “you're worth so much more than that!” But that's the kind of behavior that gets you kicked out of stores.

The last piece of advice is do what you have to do to find that part of yourself that knows you're worth the work and you're worth the trouble. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do. How awesome will it feel to survive the hardest thing you'll ever do? After that, you can do anything.

Introduction

I'm not a champion. I've burned things. I've set off smoke alarms. I've overcooked. Undercooked. Opted for a box of store brand macaroni and cheese. And this was while cooking for someone else.

I live alone again, this time twenty pounds lighter than the last time I lived alone, and my deepest darkest fear is ever being obese again. The day I achieved the formidable status of “overweight” my heart palpitated with pride. I love food. I love making food, eating food, talking about food, touching food, tasting food... I Google recipes to gawk at pictures of steaming hot luscious plates of food that I can't have.

My “weight loss” journey (as it is generally called) started in early 2008 when I was tired of being fat. I had never been small by any stretch of the imagination, but I always had in the back of my mind that I would never see 200 lbs. Ever. That was my limit. Being married and always going out and parties and fun pushed me past 200 to the dreadful state that was 217.

I joined Weight Watchers.

There's so many valuable lessons they have to teach even if you don't necessarily agree with the philosophy of what to eat or how to eat. Being a part of a weight loss program in general focuses your mind inward, letting you be selfish and watch things for yourself. You start cooking for one in your head despite the fact that you're feeding other people. Luckily my ex-husband was generally open to the idea of eating a little better, so of course when we parted ways we were both at least 30 pounds lighter than we were together.

I plateaued at 184 when I started actually acquiring muscle and the stall devastated me. Technically still obese, I tried everything to spark a loss. Went Vegan for all of three days (cheese = love, if you weren't aware). Living on my own helped me maintain since there we
re very few opportunities to go out to eat. The plateau turned to a stand still despite my exercise routine and things like walking to and from the grocery store. I tried to be happy with what I had done. I could wear a bathing suit without scaring children. All my pants were new and were the size I'd worn in high school. I should be happy.

Things happen in life. Changes come. And a drastic change of living arrangements caused me to drop my exercising all together. I moved from Kentucky to New Hampshire after gaining 10 pounds back from what I had lost. It seems like nothing... but being in a new place, what else is there to do than try all of the new food? It took absolutely no time at all before my clothes wouldn't fit and I was staring 200 back in its ugly red face with its beady little eyes. 203, actually. Five months after moving to New Hampshire I took to Weight Watchers one more time, since it really did work for me. I don't do well under stringent rules.

I did a couple things differently the second time. I waited on the exercise. I let myself lose about 15 pounds before I started exercising again hoping that the 184 plateau wouldn't grab ahold of me again. This technique, no matter how backward, worked fabulously! I got to see 179 on the scale! I weighed in the 170s!!! That's middle school, people! The fat girl was vindicated. I knew I could do more. I started going to the YMCA to work out. I got to where I could run to my car after working out for an hour. I had so much energy. I felt so good about myself. I had reached the low 170s when the plateau set in. Then I contracted Mononucleosis.

In learning about Mono both from the two page printout the doctor gave me (scientific, isn't it?) to what I found online, it seems to hit everyone differently. I was scared. I was running a fever, vomiting, in excruciating pain. I stopped eating. I couldn't stay awake long enough for dinner. I went to the doctor and they immediately thought it was my gallbladder from the side of my stomach that I was complaining about. I thought I had done it to myself. I'd never really focused on nutrition so much as just getting the weight off. I thought I wasn't eating enough fat and I had ruined one of my internal organs. I started to overcompensate and shove fat down my throat as fast as I could, hoping to undo the damage that I had done. I dropped nearly 10 pounds in two weeks while eating Wendy's (large fries, please).

After some pleasant tests at the hospital we'd come to the conclusion that my gallbladder was never better... and one little blood test (out of 4) showed that I was positive for the Mono. I saw 169... 167... 165... nothing had ever been so kind to me as Mono had. But I couldn't exercise anymore. You're really not supposed to because your spleen can rupture even after your symptoms slow down, but I wanted to lose more weight. I'd gotten really into Yoga a couple months before I got sick and I could do so many things I could never do before. Two months after getting Mono I would do a Yoga routine for 20 minutes and be down the rest of the day with a stomach ache. Exercising was over for a while. I quit going to the Y for fear of hurting myself.

About this time I bought my first home and my boyfriend moved in with me. I kept dropping weight without exercising. I was eating well, but we were enjoying the food in our new city. I saw 161. And then the Mono wore off.

The doctor gave me clearance to start exercising again this past August. I hadn't done anything in 6 months. I joined a gym after stress eating brought me back up to 174. Building muscle back added some weight but I'm happy to say that today I'm pretty pleased with being back down to 165. I have a goal to be 150 pounds, though if I were still participating in Weight Watchers my goal would be 146. I can't imagine what that is going to look like! I haven't been 146 in... ever? Don't I have bones and organs... they weigh something!

The purpose of this blog is to help me not to lose focus. I'm alone again for the second time in my adult life and I refuse to gain weight back. Not only do I want the scale to reflect my efforts but I want to try to do this as healthfully as possible. When you live alone, it becomes all too easy to come home to a bowl of cereal for dinner, or grab something quick on your way home since no one else has to put their two cents in on your food choice. I need to keep my food focus inward and actually worry about myself. Worry about what I'm putting in my mouth.

Future posts will contain recipes, tips and personal experiences with cooking for one and the challenges that arise from trying to stay healthy on a tight food budget. I embark on this new quest mere days before Thanksgiving. Luckily for me, of all the food that I fantasize about, it's the food that comes out between Thanksgiving and Christmas that I couldn't care less about. I hate reading food magazines this time of year because the food just doesn't interest me. Maybe it's my disgust for leftovers...

NEXT WEEK: Cooking for one away from home. How will house sitting affect my healthy diet?