Realistic Expectations

What have I learned over these past couple of weeks of inactivity on the blog? That weight lifting and training for a half marathon (while holding a full time job and being a full time graduate student) are not things that can go together. ChaLEAN Extreme is on hiatus until the Half Marathon is over.

What does that mean? Katie, you should seriously cross train because it will make you a better runner.

I know. But I'm seriously tired right now. I'll figure something out.

I caught a cold two weeks ago and so I took 6 days off of running... and then the cold moved into my chest and I kind of still... kept running. I'm a really bad example... or a really great example of what NOT to do. I'm feeling much better though. While I'm running I feel fantastic. Then I stop running and I'll cough for a little bit, but overall improvement once I get up out of bed and moving.

I've been terrible as far as feeding myself is concerned. I've been going mad on the carbs... eating sandwiches (which I never do) and eating way too many sweets. The only thing that has kept me in these size 4 Skinny Jeans is the running. I swear to you. I've been a bad, bad girl. I've better intentions coming up and I've been pretty good today. When I sleep in (and sleep is something I've been lacking here recently) my first breakfast gets screwed up... and each meal afterward gets screwed up. If only I lived in a vacuum.

Some things I ate this week:

Fun with yogurt. I've been seeing how different I can make my vanilla yogurt every time I eat it. Here we have an example of three oreo cookies crushed up in my yogurt (I told you I've been mowing down on the sweets) and then I have fresh strawberries with mini chocolate chips and butterscotch chips (a half serving of each of the chips... so I was measuring...)

Last weekend I treated myself to a breakfast at my favorite cafe. I ordered something sweet but small and it was delicious. This is a cinnamon roll split in half and fried like french toast, covered in powdered sugar and bananas. Yup.

I did have good intentions... my basket at the grocery looked healthy enough.

But it was the exercise that kept me normal this week. I ate out too much and seriously, right now, I'm sitting here with the belly-ache part of a hangover because I had a couple vodka lemonades and a mudslide the size of my face last night. I seriously need to stop eating buffalo anything while drinking. It hurts coming out your nose. I know... another example of the bad example. But I have a lot going on.

Let's talk about the running this week. I'm counting last Sunday because, since I was sick, I had to skip Week 2 of my training (my extended training where I'd planned to do Week 1 twice, so I really didn't miss anything). Here's an overview of the week.

And here's the breakdown. Sunday I did two miles while still sort of sick. Took my handkerchief with me to blow my nose. I made surprisingly good time for feeling like garbage.

 

Wednesday's run was fun because a coworker decided to run with me! We had a good time and it was interesting running with someone else. It definitely made the hour go by faster and forced me to pace a little better than I normally do. We're planning to run again this coming Wednesday after work.

Thursday I participated in another 5k. This one markets itself as being a “Fast 5k” because it's all on a gradual decline. I was no faster than I normally am in a race. In fact, I was 18 seconds short of a personal record. I was totally beat afterward... slept well that night at least.

Saturday's run was the long one for the week; 6 miles. About 5 miles in the back of my knee started to get sore, but that went away with some good stretching afterward. Which comes to my intention to cross train. I think I'm going to do yoga at least one day a week on my non-running days. 

 

 

June is just being hard on me. I thought May was bad. But June has 4ish events at my job... the end of my first term of grad school (which ends today) and the start of my second term of grad school (which starts tomorrow). I'm not resting. I'm not relaxing. I'm taking stress to the internal most parts of me. And then I'm trying to choke it with alcohol. And dessert.

Thank god for running. Or we'd be having a terrible conversation.

Sorry my blog posts are straight and to the point here recently. Just an attempt to stay sane. And hopefully motivate people to do what I'm not doing.

What You Want

Every other week at the office I've been facilitating “healthy lifestyle support group meetings.” Though the people that have been attending are all interested in losing weight, the purpose isn't necessarily to do that, but rather to adapt our lives to treating ourselves better and practicing healthy habits. The last few meetings I've tried to come up with a topic to talk about because there's only so much you can say about what you're doing to try to stay healthy. This coming week, I'm going to talk about excuses.

In an attempt to not sound mean... which it might come off as mean but really it just is “stern” or “determined” when I say that I'm so tired of hearing excuses. And we have excuses for everything we don't really want to do. It reminds me of one of my favorite pins on Pinterest... the quote that says, “Don't be disappointed by the results you didn't get from the work you didn't do.” It comes down to deciding what you want.

What do you want? If you want pizza, I'm sure there's nothing stopping you there. But maybe you want to lose weight or you want to exercise more or you want to feel great and confident in tank tops this summer. But do you really want it? You MUST want it. You have to want it. Otherwise, there's nothing that's going to keep you from making an excuse to not get it.

Some excuses for not eating healthy and exercising. Just to name a few...

It's too expensive to eat healthy.

I don't have time to exercise.

I'm tired after work and don't feel like exercising.

Food planning and packing lunches is hard work.

I can't think of anything to cook.

Pardon my frankness, but each of these things and probably anything you could come up with for me is complete bullshit. I went to the grocery for the week and spent $41 for myself... last week I got 433 minutes of activity, which represents a whopping 4% of the minutes in my week. I work 25% of the minutes in the week. You don't think I'm tired after a day at work? But I come home and I exercise anyway because it's important to me. Because I want to. Food planning is fun. I love food. I look forward to snack time because I know what I have coming to me. And if you're still reading my blog and you can't think of anything to cook, well, I'm not doing a very good job, am I?

Do you want to get to the point where all of this, all the work, it's just second nature? Do you really want it? It takes work. It takes thought and awareness. It takes your attention. And it's worth it.

There's a flip side to this. And it's something that I struggle with because now that I'm where I want to be I find myself terrified that something is going to happen that is going to make me having to start all over again (hopefully that's not likely). It's okay not to want this. It's okay to be content with how things are. If you don't want it, no one is twisting your arm (except maybe your doctor). But if you feel like you're trying and you feel like you want it, chances are you do. You're just scared or overwhelmed or the things that need to change aren't changing fast enough for you and you're getting discouraged. That isn't the time to make excuses. That's the time to evaluate what you're doing and find something else that works for you. Change what you're eating. Drink more water. Change the type of exercise you're doing. Don't sabotage yourself with excuses.

I think this time last year I talked about trigger foods. About the foods you can't trust yourself with. Today I try and think of a list of trigger foods and I don't have any. I laughingly think to myself that I'm cured of my carb cravings. I can't remember the last time I had a REAL sandwich... with bread. The last time I had real potato chips. And if I did have them it was on a plate, not out of a bag. I have day dreams about apples and peanut butter. I used to make myself two servings of pasta. I could clean my plate at the Olive Garden. I haven't been to the Olive Garden in a year and a half.

I run those healthy lifestyle meetings and I do this blog to remind you that it's possible. Not only to tell you that it's possible, but to tell me that I'm not dreaming. I stay accountable for myself. I stay accountable for you, reading these words now. I stay accountable for my coworkers that come in to work, step on a scale, and talk to me about eating well.

In the spirit of not making any more excuses, I'm happy to report that I've done something non-weight related that I'm really proud of and really excited to get started with. I've been accepted to Graduate School and I'm going to start working toward an MA in English and Creative Writing in Poetry. I've been making excuses for years.

At the end of the last semester of my undergrad, I held in my hand a letter telling me that I was not accepted to graduate school. It had two sentences. It gave me nothing other than telling me that I wasn't what they wanted. I wanted to be a teacher. Maybe I didn't, maybe I didn't really want to be a teacher. I had just been in school for so long, being at teacher felt like an extension of school. It was extension of the comfortable. I knew school. I had 16 years of it under my built. I knew how hallways and class bells and lockers worked. I was used to being around students and teachers. And I loved learning. So it seemed like that was what I should do.

I feel like the whole experience of applying and preparing for this thing that I didn't get to do, it all seems so surreal now. I took the GRE and PRAXIS exams for no good reason. I got good scores. And ever since I held that letter telling me that I wasn't what they wanted, I started to reevaluate what it was that I wanted. I'd fantasized about an MFA in Poetry. Most of those programs, including the one that I found here in New Hampshire, always involve sequestering yourself. Like I have to take a journey to Walden Pond and live off the land until I create this epic opus of my work that stands for something. Made out of my sinew, etched in my bones. No one has time for that. Not someone who has a mortgage and lives on her own and works full time. We don't get to move into Robert Frost's house and write by the flickering firelight.

Then last year, when I was going through the little bit of therapy that I allowed myself, she asked me why I didn't go back to school if I wanted to. My excuse to her was the money. My undergrad is paid off, thanks to the fastidiousness of an ex-husband terrified of debt, so I just felt like creating debt for myself wasn't in the cards. I barely have enough money to pay the bills I have. So what was the use of adding on more bills for a Master's degree I don't need.

She told me it was okay to go back to school.

Then I wondered about the program. Do I really want a Master's in English? What good is it? My excuse then became, well, should I do something that I love or should I do something that will make sense for what I do? Shouldn't I get an MBA or something with organizational leadership. Something that will make me a better office worker? And I thought about it and thought about it. And the excuse is my indecision.

On President's Day, I'm sitting on the couch, drinking my first breakfast, watching the news and there's a commercial for Southern New Hampshire University's online Master's programs, so I flipped through the website to see what they had. And there it was. MA in Creative Writing. All online. No flippant exodus into solitude required. And I'd end the program with a thesis consisting of my poems and with not only a deeper understanding of the thing that I love most but I think of myself too.

When you peel away all the excuses and you see what you really want, the decision is easy.

I put together 6 pages of poems. I write a statement of purpose. I filled out an application and I did a FAFSA for the first time in 7 years (which by the way, is so super easy when you do it with your own tax information and not that of your parent's). And I got an e-mail from my admission counselor that I had been accepted into the program. I'm registered for my first two classes and I've got most of my books already. I start April 1. I'm so excited. I'm proud of myself for getting something that I want. I should really be used to it by now, but the more I focus, the more I achieve and the more I give away my fear of failure... it's becoming second nature and like I should wonder why I ever settled on what I didn't really want.

I doubt it's going to take up that much of my time. I do have a terribly large amount of free time. Bowling will be over on the 18^th, so I'm just going to take a break from organized sports for a while. Besides, softball season is starting soon and I do so enjoy watching my handsome gentleman play his games. I'll just need to make much more time for reading and writing (oh darn). My goal is to get good grades and not give up on my exercising.

Another goal I have to tackle involves emptying out my drawers and closet of clothes that just don't fit anymore and writing down a list of what I need to replace.  I have no shorts or capris to wear this coming spring/summer because they're all huge.  Size 10 doesn't fit anymore... so everything I had to buy last summer is void.  Can't fake this stuff.

This week in review... I'm starting to learn how my body reacts to this new pill and oh boy do I get the munchies like a crazy woman in the final two weeks of the pack. Not the last week as much, but it's essentially like I can eat my weight in anything. Anything that can sit still long enough to be bitten off and chewed and swallowed. That Papa John's pizza that I ordered with that god forsaken half off coupon they sent me went down so easy. But do you know what I didn't do? I didn't order the cinnapie to go with it. Tally mark on the “victory” column. Here's what I ate this week:

Monday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Almond milk and strawberries with Vanilla protein)

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Salmon and Mango Salad

Dinner: Peanut Butter Protein Shake

Snacks: Peach Yogurt and Candy (caaaandy)

Tuesday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Milk and Cinnamon)

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Amy's Medium Organic Chili and Sweet Potato

Dinner: The rest of the Papa John's pizza

Snacks: Candy and a Protein Bar (i.e. candy with protein in it)

Wednesday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Almond Milk and Chai)

2^nd Breakfast: Vita Top and Banana

Lunch: Lean Cuisine Southwest Chicken Salad Additions

Dinner: Salmon and Sweet Potato

Snacks: Cottage Cheese, Strawberries, and a Deep Chocolate Vitamuffin

Thursday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Almond Milk and Strawberries)

2^nd Breakfast: Vitabun (English Muffin), Peanut Butter and Banana

Lunch: Veggie Sushi Roll

Dinner: Pork Tenderloin with Shiitake Mushrooms and Broccoli

Snacks: Fiber One Chocolate Cereal and Milk

Friday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Vitatop, Peanut Butter and Banana

Lunch: Spinach/Romaine Salad with Blood Orange

Dinner: Leftovers of Pork Tenderloin and Veggies

Snacks: Cookies and Cream Cake (it was a small piece... that I deserved...)

Saturday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Vitatop with Peanut Butter

Lunch: Salmon and Peas and Carrots

Dinner: Side Salad, Small piece of garlic bread and veggie lasagna

Snacks: Shake made of strawberry yogurt, almond milk and frozen banana. Also some almonds.

Sunday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (milk and chai)

2^nd Breakfast: Vitabun (English Muffin), Egg and ½ Avocado

Lunch:

Dinner:

Snacks:

Let's go over a few of those things. I'm trying to get as adventurous as I can with my protein shakes because I need to keep them not boring. Sometimes it's just easier to mix up my protein in milk and drink it while doing my hair in the morning and be done with it. But I've taken to breaking out the Magic Bullet in the morning and throwing some fruit in there. I bought a box of straws a couple weeks ago and that has made shakes so much more delicious. It's amazing what a straw can do.

I've also taken to the afternoon snack in such a way that I'm considering changing my meal names on MyFitnessPal to reflect the absolute necessity that the 3:00 PM meal has in my life at the moment. I tried to make them pretty this week.

Second breakfast this morning was a delicious breakfast sandwich. I had a free shipping coupon for Vitalicious so I stocked up on Vitatops, got some Vitamuffins for the first time (the Deep Chocolate legit “muffin” is so soft and delicious), and I also got a couple packages of the Vitabuns to throw in the freezer. They're really good and I feel like they're just more sturdy than your typical english muffin. It's also 100 calories.

Spent the morning at the grocery and I've found that shopping the perimeter of the store does in fact give you the most healthy options. I've also found that I've become that snooty person who buys organic food. It's really not on purpose, I just have in my mind what I want and there isn't a non-organic option at the store. I can buy organic food and still keep to my $40 per week budget. Give me another excuse that you can't afford to eat healthy. I eat a ton of food for $40.

Yesterday's afternoon snack was the bomb. There should always be a frozen banana in your freezer for instances of milk shake. Yesterday I blended ½ of almond milk with a 6 oz container of Stoneyfield Farms Strawberry Blends yogurt and a frozen banana. Don't forget the straw. Oh man. So freaking good.

Luckily the bit of candy obsession that I had this week (and the large pizza) didn't keep me from getting down a little more.  Lost .2 lbs this MONTH.  Yea.  It goes by months now.

That's how I fueled. How did I burn?

Monday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 6, Bowling and 12 Push-ups

Tuesday: Run to work, 2.75 miles and 15 Push-ups

Wednesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 3, Day 1 and 15 Push-ups

Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Level 3, Day 1 and 15 Push-ups

Friday: REST and 17 Push-ups

Saturday: Run 3.1 miles, beat my PR for mile time with a 8:51 minute mile, and 17 Push-ups

Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Level 3, Day 3 and 20 Push-ups

I really didn't like Level 2 of 30 Day Shred. There were too many reps. It seemed like overkill. It doesn't have the same layout as Ripped in 30 where she does maybe 3 strength exercises and you do them all an equal amount of time. In 30 Day Shred, you start with the first strength exercise in the circuit, do that for 30 seconds, then the second exercise is done for 1 minute. Doing rows for 3 minutes straight is just... irritating. But I made it through and got to Level 3 this week. Only 3 more exercises left in 30 Day Shred. I'm so proud of how I've kept up with exercising this year. I give myself one rest day a week and it's been that way since January 7^th. That's 2 months. Wowza. I've never exercised like this and I love the way I'm changing and I love the way I feel.

On Tuesday I ran to work... which was mostly out of utility because my car was in the shop, but it was nice to get some activity in before work. Unfortunately, the temperatures were colder than I usually run and the sidewalks were really dangerous. I made terrible time and it was an overall bad run. But that's okay. A bad run is better than no run at all and I still burned calories. Yesterday's run made up for it because I ROCKED the HOUSE! I broke my record speed for a mile not once, but technically twice. My first mile and my second mile were both faster than my previous record, first mile clocking in at 8:51 and my second at 9:16. Finished a 5k length in 29:37. I think that's the fastest I've ever done that in a training run. I have a 5k this coming Saturday and I'm so excited to see how fast I go.

A little aside about my running and what I've noticed. I have never been “trained” when it comes to running. I've done my apps and I've read articles and I try to learn what I can about form and ways to train, but I've never done anything organized. I'm finding that the more core strength I have, my runs are becoming easier and faster. I run not only with my legs but with my lower abs and obliques. I can feel them tighten when I speed up. I feel that my breath is stronger and better controlled. My leg strength has really helped too. I feel that I can push off of the ground better and my legs don't get tired. Running 3.1 is now just something I do.

Go out this week and do something that you really want. Find what you want and make it happen for yourself. Success breeds confidence and that breeds more success. Don't settle and don't make excuses. You're worth the hard work.

Love

No matter how much you abuse yourself, ignore yourself, hold everyone else up on sturdier pedestals than the one you're clambering to the top of... you can't leave. We focus so much energy on all the other people, the ones with free will. The ones that can leave us. Jobs we can lose. But then what if we lose everything? Our jobs, our friends, all of our relationships. You're left alone with yourself. Someone you may not even know.

Once upon a time I bragged about my love for having “me” time, alone time. The truth is that was the biggest lie I ever told myself and everyone else. I couldn't stand being alone. I would wad myself up in fetal position and cry because it's the worst feeling, being locked up alone with someone you don't know. Total stranger. And you can't throw them out.

I'm finding that my relationship with myself, as it grows, parallels the fantasies that movies give us. I surprise myself. With every challenge I take on, it's like I've found someone new. That rush that you feel, the heat in your belly when you fall in love. I get that feeling every morning when I walk into the bathroom, rubbing my eyes, pulling off my shirt and starting my shower and I catch her in the mirror. I'm in love with her. And the more I'm used to that feeling I wonder why we ever hurt ourselves in the first place.

With every new milestone I jot down in my fitness log I surprise myself. When my hands run over my skin and find all the new spaces, new firmness, new bones that I didn't know I had yesterday, I realize that I've finally shed off every protection I used to wrap myself in. 84 pounds of brick and cement, a wall to hide behind so no one could see me. I'm not afraid to fail anymore. I'm not afraid of pain or hurt. Or struggle. Or strength. This woman that sleeps with me every night and pushes me to be the best I can be, she's the love of my life. And I'm so sure now that if no one ever loves me in that low lit Hollywood type of way, timeless and all encompassing, I have the closest thing to unconditional love within myself. And I can never leave.

The best thing about this is I think the closer you come to fully accepting yourself and taking good care of yourself, it lets other people love you more. If you're putting up walls between you and the person you are, if you aren't reaching your full potential, imagine how much you're hiding from those trying to connect with you. That has to be why relationships fade. Why friends lose touch and lovers leave their keys on the kitchen table. Unless someone really knows you and accepts you, they can't be expected to hold your hands through your growth and change, inevitable steps that life takes. The difference between surrounding ourselves so we're not alone and surrounding ourselves with positive feelings and true comfort. Real people. Reality.

This week I've been a little discouraged with my workout. It's not “easy” and I do groan and sweat... but I'm not feeling the change that I felt doing Ripped in 30 and that's been a slight bummer. I tried increasing weight and found that the number of reps that 30 Day Shred has isn't conducive to heavier weights. I lowered my weight and it seemed easier and I didn't really like that feeling either. But I'm going to keep going. I know I'm getting stronger. I can do 10 push-ups in a row and could probably do more if I pushed. I can get into Wheel Pose. Maybe it's getting past moments of change that you can see, it has to be moments of change that you experience.

I had the greatest run yesterday. Building muscle really helps with performance, I'm finding, and there were times where I was keeping the 8 minute mile pace. I'm terrible at pacing and I know that's something I need to work on when Half Marathon training comes along. But for now, I just kind of enjoy seeing how far I can go on my timed workouts.

Yesterday I went super far. Week 3, Day 2 workout on Bridge to 10k, I went 6.21 miles in 1:07. That's a 10k. The first 5 minutes of that is walking, per instruction from the app, so just imagine if I got to run for those 5 minutes instead of walking, i.e. a race day scenario. That makes me happy. Of course, I couldn't find a 10k that fit into my schedule, so I've got the 12k in May. Got to get up over 7 miles. It would be fun to be able to do 6.2 miles in 1 hour. But I'm rambling now.

The weather has been crazy. Right now, it's snowing these small flecks of glittery whatever, earlier it was a heavy snow that I could slip in. Yesterday started out sunny but the cloud cover didn't yield any precipitation. This was my second run in my newest shoes and I'm really happy with how they work. I decided to try to take on the problem I had last time with my toe... and made a pretty painful mistake. I wrapped the toe in a band aid, which in the world of that one toe was perfect. It didn't blister, and I didn't feel pain from it. But I didn't consider how that band aid would affect the rest of the foot, so I'm doctoring my poor little toe. Had to change up my workout this morning a little because I couldn't do high knees without an excruciating amount of pain.

What made me happy is after that run, I woke up this morning with slightly sore, tingling legs. I'd missed being sore so much.

Workout log this week is pretty straight forward:

Monday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 1 and Bowling

Tuesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 2

Wednesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 3

Thursday: REST

Friday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 4

Saturday: B210K, Week 3, Day 2 – 6.21 Miles

Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 5

So tomorrow will be the last workout in Level 2. Then on to Level 3 for 6 workouts and then I'm done with 30 Day Shred. That went by fast. It goes by fast now that working out is nearly a more exciting priority than the food I eat. I look forward to it and I miss it on rest days. I'm delighted and fearful and have a feeling of adventure thinking about moving on to the next challenge.

I am trying to up my ability to do push ups. Did 10 yesterday and today. Going to try to gradually add more push ups as the month of March progresses. I've got a schedule to get me to 50 by the end of the month. Let's see how that goes.

Food this week was interesting. Sunday, after I posted, I got to cooking and made two pretty tasty items. I made some Buffalo Chicken Chili and Blueberry Lemon Muffins. Of course both of these recipes came from Pinterest because I feel that if I'm going to spend so much time on Pinterest drooling over the food, I might as well enjoy some of it!

The muffins were difficult. And I think I only wanted to make them because I was bored. I only ate 2 and gave the rest of them away. They're very wet and you have to let them cook in the muffin tin. Might actually not be a bad idea to use those metal-looking muffin tin liners. I don't even have a picture! I have no idea what I was thinking. The original recipe is here... and there's plenty of pictures there. Here's what you need:

1.5 cups flour
1/4 cup sugar
1.5 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup apple sauce (I used Mott's natural)
2, 6 oz containers fat free lemon yogurt (I used Stoneyfield Farms because they don't use artificial sweeteners in their fat free yogurt).
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla
zest of 1 lemon
2 cups blueberries

Preheat oven to 375 and spray 12 muffin cups with cooking spray. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside. In another bowl blend apple sauce, yogurt, egg and vanilla. Stir the wet mixture into the flour mixture until just combined. My batter wasn't as “thick” as the original recipe described. Add the blueberries and zest and stir gently. Divide the batter between the 12 cups and bake for at LEAST 15 minutes, if not more. They were very, very wet. I would almost half the blueberries, mainly because as they heat up they bust open and the juice just adds to the wet.

They tasted good. Had a cake-like texture. Not bad.

My Buffalo Chicken Chili was delicious. I had it Monday for lunch with a coworker, shared it with another coworker during the week, and then my handsome gentleman and I finished it off Thursday night for dinner. I do have pictures of this... so... here we go!

1 Tbsp olive oil

2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded

1 (15 oz) can of white beans, rinsed and drained (I used Goya's “small white beans”)

1 small onion, diced

1 large carrot, sliced thin

2 stalks celery, diced

½ green pepper, diced

3 cloves garlic, shredded on a microplane

1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes

½ Tbsp paprika

½ Tbsp cumin

¼ cup buffalo sauce (I like Frank's brand. If you like it hot, use more. This wasn't very hot at all).

In a metal pot, cook the fresh veggies and garlic in the olive oil for 5-8 minutes. Add the paprika and cumin. Add the tomatoes and hot sauce. Bring to a boil. Once boiling, turn down to simmer and let cook for 50 minutes. (Seriously, this is the longest I've cooked in a while, but so worth it!).

At the end of 50 minutes, stir in chicken and beans. Heat until everything is heated through. Very good as leftovers.  My rendition came out to 213 calories.  Feel free to add cheese and all that good, stuff.  Handsome gentleman had it over rice. 

I think today I'm going to update my running playlist... always good for giving a little more umph. I've got a 5k not this coming Saturday, but the one after, so going to be running some 5k distances during lunch hours a couple times between now and then. Need to see how fast I can get it done! I'm longing for Spring like you wouldn't believe. I don't really mind the cold, it's the slipping hazard side walks. And my new shoes aren't too good for cold days (lots of ventilation) or for accidentally stomping in melted snow puddles (lots of ventilation).

At the end of March I'm going to be flying back to Kentucky for a quick visit. I'm already worried about eating. Already making dates for running. There's a 5k going on that I'd love to sign up for, but that would cut into visiting time. So excited for people to see me so small.

Failure, Defeat and Other Forbidden Terms

Last week (and peppered across several other weeks) I brought up the concept of the habit. I was challenged to talk today about what happens when those habits don't stick. To talk about defeat. It's something I've felt plenty of, but to be honest this is difficult because of where I'm standing. Defeat, obesity, poor health (even when you can't tell) are this mountain I can barely see in the foggy distance when I look over my shoulder. I shift my weight this morning; I'm walking backwards on my path, squinting, trying to remember what it's like to fail.

And eventually, you'll have to do the same thing. Because if I can do this, anyone can do it. Determination and patience are what wakes up failure in the middle of the night, screaming of nightmares.

Growing up, I didn't eat the healthiest but it wasn't terrible. I weighed about 180 pounds from 8^th grade into high school, lost 10 pounds or so getting into the groove of high school (plus I took PE for the first time since elementary school my freshman year). We'd have your typical Southern cuisine. Things were deep fried. Things were fried in bacon grease. You put a scoop of bacon grease into your green beans because you can. An aside, my grandpa used to be on several heart medications, even had a heart attack, but sadly now that my grandma is gone and doesn't cook for him anymore, he's off of them and has lost weight. I love(d) my grandma dearly... but she had 7 inches of height on me, so 180 looked a little better on her.

I think of growing up in Kentucky and I don't want to make excuses, but it made it hard. These were habits too. Saving bacon grease after frying up a pound of bacon for 3 people. Home fried chicken tenders. Margarine. These are habits just like getting in 6 days of exercise a week. They're just bad habits.

There were some things growing up that were positive. We rarely had soda. If we got a case of soda it usually stayed in the fridge in the basement, therefore out of sight and it really was a treat. We also didn't eat out very much.

Those two things lead to damaging habit creation when you become an adult. When you have your own fridge and you make sure it is stocked with Coke. When you eat out at least once a day in the land of 1000 restaurants. So then the weekend before my Freshman Orientation at college, I met the boy I'd later marry. And when you really have nothing in common... when you have to change yourself because you want to be compatible with the only guy that has ever shown any interest in you... you find the thing you have in common and you overindulge. And that was food. Eating out. Trying new restaurants. Trying recipes. He was 190 lbs when I met him and he was a biker. By the time our lifestyle got the best of our waistlines, I was 217 pounds and he was upwards of 240, if I'm remembering right. I might be giving him the benefit of the doubt with my memory.

So here I am, 217 pounds, and here are my habits: I go to work. I work in an office and getting to go out to lunch is the only way you can keep sanity. There were snacks everywhere. Volunteers would bring in candies and cookies and things like that to say thank you to us. Coworkers would bring in cupcakes or donuts. And when your habit is to not show any self control, and when others aren't eating it, you are compulsively eating three donuts. Three cupcakes. I go home. At home we had every electronic device under the sun. Pick your video game. Watch it. Watch television. Anything that involves a comfortable corner of the couch. Don't feel like cooking, so let's order takeout. As the days before I walked out on my marriage came upon me, I was asking him to bring me home McDonald's every night. When your mouth is full, you don't have to speak. When something tastes good, it brings a certain level of joy in places you don't normally feel it.

These things are failure at living a healthy lifestyle. 

I saw one of those “inspirational” photos on Pinterest recently that describes exactly what I try to preach: “One bad meal does not make you fat, just like one good meal will not make you thin.” Yesterday was the perfect example. I got to spend the day with my handsome gentleman and his kiddos. I took my “rest” day from exercise, mainly for convenience and because I had not had a rest day in 8 days (sorry, exercise addiction forming here) but I'm usually pretty active when I see the kiddos. There's always a large quantity of crab walking. Don't ask.

Anyhow, I weighed myself on his scale which isn't as fancy as mine, just does half pounds... so I was 130.5 yesterday morning. Don't get so excited, I can usually add 2 pounds to that, so for the sake of using this data, we'll say I weighed 132.5 yesterday morning. Eating is always tough because those skinny kids like chips and such. I pass for the most part. HG made me eggs, those were tasty. But by 3:00 we were starving so we got some pizza. I ate half of a medium pepperoni pizza. I hadn't had pepperoni in AGES. I tracked it on MFP like a good girl. 875 calories. That's less calories than a burger at Applebee's, so I'd say I did pretty good for a bad meal.

This morning, I woke up and weighed on my scale. 133.4. I was THRILLED! I ate half a freaking pizza!!! Loved every minute of it.

The difference is I am not making it a habit of eating 875 calorie meals every day. Giving yourself a “splurge” meal every once and a while can actually give you a weird boost. Even Bob Harper's “Skinny Rules” say to have a splurge meal every week (I don't do it every week unless you count a salad from a restaurant).

Here's failure... I'll diagram it.

Monday you eat well. You exercise... hell, you run for 30 minutes and are a general badass. Tuesday your legs are sore so instead of getting in some fitness, you decide to take a rest day. Your friends invite you out for dinner and you eat way too much. You eat way too much and you have leftovers, so you take those leftovers home. Wednesday you take those leftovers for lunch. A meeting comes up and it's really stressful, so you go home and you drink and entire bottle of wine by yourself and munch on chips in front of the television. Thursday you feel like you have zero energy, which you do, because you've been filling your body with junk for 3 days. You do nothing. You go back to the couch. Friday you go out to lunch at work. You've lost your endurance. You've lost your healthy eating habits. You have to start over. You need to “detox” your habits. This requires work. You decide it's not worth the work.

In this example, bad habits killed your good ones. Overindulging and not finding “the time” to exercise can take your momentum down. You need to ride the ride. If you slow down at a turn, know that when the sun comes up the next morning, you will increase speed on the straight away. Don't let an unexpected thing stop you dead.

I've heard it said by so many... how it's so easy to put on weight but it takes so long and it's so hard to get weight off. It really is all about habit. Think about how you get ready for work in the morning. I can use my shower routine in the morning as an example. If I don't use shampoo first... absolutely number one first, I will forget to wash my hair. And I've been doing that since I was old enough to take a shower. You need to make eating healthy and treating your body with respect so routine that doing anything else seems foreign. If I forget to use shampoo first and I start washing my face... and then I wash the rest of me... and I turn off the shower. I start toweling off my hair and notice it feels a little heavy and greasy... just because I forgot to wash my hair first doesn't mean that I'm DOOMED to have dirty hair for the rest of my life. I hang the towel back up, probably say a few choice words, fire the shower back up, and I wash my hair.

I don't leave my hair dirty and say to myself, “Well, I blew it for today” and then every time I walk past a trash can, I reach it and rub a big handful of trash in my hair just for good measure. I mean, my hair's already dirty, so what damage is that going to do?

I ate a huge, fatty breakfast... so I might as well stuff myself at lunch. I've already RUINED the day, right?

No.

It has taken me 5 years to get certain foods out of my system and to get to a point where exercise is a priority. FIVE YEARS. You can not and should not be discouraged if you can't do it in three weeks. It's a gradual journey. I used to save up my Weight Watchers points so that I'd have 18 at the end of the day to eat an entire box of macaroni and cheese. Now, right now, I've got 1/3 of a box of Annie's organic mac and cheese in the fridge. That's after eating 1/3 of it for leftovers and 1/3 of it when I first made it. Remember how I had said I always cook a double serving of pasta because I just love it that much. This week, I kid you not, I cooked ½ serving of pasta. Because I didn't feel like eating so much of it.

Sometimes, I get SO SICK of food because of how often I have to eat it now. But that's my life now. And you will get there too.

I have given lists of things to do before, but I think this topic needs its own list of things to do. Things to remember:

1. It's a lifestyle, not a diet. The moment you stop saying, “I'm on a diet” is the moment you have finally accepted that. That's the first step.

2. Learn to feed yourself before you learn to exercise. It's so much easier to exercise when you've lost 20 pounds. You don't need to bombard yourself with changes. Once you have learned how to eat and how to not go overboard, that's when I would start picking up the exercise. I say this because before you learn how to eat, you're not only going to be tempted to eat your exercise, but it's going to be a feeling of difficult that you're not going to stick with. Sweating when I was really big was the most horrible feeling in the world to me.

3. Learning to eat is a journey. If you eat a whole pizza every Friday, don't stop eating pizza. Cut it down to ¾ of a pizza. Then ½. It's a lifestyle, not a diet, and you need to take yourself off of drugs gradually. Just like my macaroni and cheese example. You will wake up one day and not want it at all.

4. Don't exercise a million miles past your potential. If you've never run before, don't start a half-marathon program. But that doesn't mean don't push yourself. Change occurs when it starts to feel like too much. But don't exercise on Day 1 in such a way that you won't do it on Day 2. Know what you can handle and start there. You will get better.

5. You are allowed to deprive yourself!!!! If your snacks are recreational, meaning have zero nutritional value and it's just something to eat, it's OKAY not to eat that! Don't feel like you have to have candy, cookies, cake, just because you always have. I haven't had a soda for 5 months. I don't look at my food log during the day and say, “Well, I have enough calories to have a soda, so why not?”

6. Patience. You won't be able to eat exactly the way you want to or should overnight. Take it slow. Let your body become used to not eating the things you've been eating for so long. Give your body time to adapt. Your body is working even when you aren't. It's your job to move it and fuel it. Eventually, what you fuel it with and what you do with it will click and you'll find what you need to do for your unique self. Don't let failure creep in because you're worth the fight.

I could make infinite lists. The first challenge is believing that you're worth it. You might think you're confident. I always thought I had a certain amount of pride and strength. I couldn't have been more wrong. I didn't even know my own potential until I got to where I never thought I'd be.

Well...

That was longer than I thought it would be. Obviously I'm a little passionate about failure nowadays. Let me share with you my week. I didn't share my food log last week, and there really wasn't anything interesting in my food log this week, so I think I'll go with that again. I'm having a little bit of trouble with my eating recently because I don't think I've been eating enough. I had a couple days that I felt unfed when I started in on my exercise. Now that I'm almost up to 6 miles when running, going to need to focus on altering my nutrition to make it that far. I bought myself a book to start reading so that I'll be prepared for May when I start training for my half marathon.

Speaking of training, I've signed up for a few races and I wanted to share that. I feel that even though I'm nowhere near being competitive with other people, signing up for events gives me something to work for. It's hard to run with nothing to run to... I say.

So March 16^th I've got a 5k sponsored by a local restaurant. Haven't done a race in Epping, NH yet. I've had races in Concord, Nashua, Derry and Portsmouth... maybe I'll just run around New Hampshire.

Then May 4^th I've got an obstacle race. 3.5 miles with 14-15 obstacles. Pretty excited because my handsome gentleman is going to be racing too. He's doing the competitive wave, I'm not... so it'll be nice to get to cheer him on.

May 18^th I've got a 12k. I had been looking for 10k races but couldn't find any during the time frame that I wanted it and a coworker brought me info on this race as well as a $5 off coupon for the registration, so why not!

I need to find something to run in July or August. Last year I didn't run in July because it was hot (well, hot to New Hampshire...) but this year I want to try harder. September 8^th is my half-marathon.

I mentioned my yoga injury last week, right?  I did a massive face plant doing crane pose.  Here's what my knees look like this morning.  They're getting better but they're darker.  Then I have the bruises lower on my knee/shin area where my bone protrudes out if I do any of my push ups on my knees.  In 30 Day Shred, I can do the first set of push ups all on my toes, but then after doing two sets of presses and a set of push ups, I do 3/4 of the second set on my knees.  I try to stay off my knees for a lot of these things just to keep from bruising...

My fitness log this week looked like this:

Monday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1, Day 3 and Bowling

Tuesday: Ran 5k during my lunch hour. More on this later.

Wednesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1, Day 4 and Tap Class

Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1, Day 5

Friday: B210K, Week 3, Day 1. More on this later.

Saturday: REST

Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Level 1, Day 6

My runs this week made me happy. Reason one is that I was actually able to go out and do them with the weather being so incredibly crazy here recently, and reason two because I busted ass and it felt great!

My run during my lunch on Tuesday was the first time I'd ever ran a whole 3.1 miles during lunch. I still got back in plenty of time to change back into my work clothes and freshen up. It was the first 5k that I logged on my app where my first mile took more time than my second, my second took more time than my third. My first mile was 10:13, my second mile was 9:38 and my third mile was 9:35. Average pace was less than 10 minutes. I felt great for the rest of the day after. So proud of myself.

My second run was my longest ever. I was so nervous. I mapped it out on Google maps knowing that with the step up to 63 minutes on the program, I'd probably go 5.6 miles. I went 5.78 instead. It felt so good when I got to 4.5 miles and I knew that the route I had picked out was going to work perfectly and that I was able to do it.

The only issue I'm having while running is the “ring” toe (the one next to the little toe) on my left foot. By mile 5, every time, it starts burning because of the blister that's forming on it. Not sure what to do about that other than wrap a preventative band aid on it. If you know what I could do, comment here please! I'd really like some tips. I'm sure it just has to do with my leading with my left and how much toe room I have in my shoes.

It's snowing right now, so that's going to put a damper on the running for the next few days at least. I'm doing good that I haven't fallen down yet. I've slipped, but stayed on my feet. Exciting also is that this time last year was the first time I'd ever gone out for a run. The last weekend in February last year I did Day 1 of Couch to 5k. I've improved so much and I've lost 20 pounds since then!! Crazy.

So above I shared a bunch of before pictures... it's so weird to me that I look like that, but when I'm shopping online and my measurements tell me I could wear a XS/S bikini bottom, I forget that I'm as small as I am. So here's some pics from this morning. Post workout and shower, but comfy clothes today. I'm wearing my new “Starfish Pants” from Lands End that I got on clearance... I ordered Small but they're a little too big. At least they're comfortable. They're baggy in the front. First world problems.

Time to strap on the boots and go out in the snow for some tasty groceries. I went vegetarian most of this week (because I couldn't buy meat last week as I made it to the store earlier than the counters opened up) so I'm looking for some salmon today.

I have a whole new idea of time now. Every moment is useful. Every day is a joy.

Bullying and Sub-Zero Windchills

In elementary school, I was a bully. Not the type of bully that pushes you down on the playground and steals your lunch money, though I talked pretty big about my ability to beat you up, just in case you ever thought about messing with me. There were a couple people that I think back to and I'm actually really embarrassed about the way I treated them. I think bullying is really impulsive, something that happens in the moment, a way to get the focus taken off of yourself and onto someone else. I could be a mean kid because I was trying to keep people from being mean to me. I really hope that nothing I ever said impacted people enough to impact their lives.

Something changed into middle school. I guess I grew out of being “tough” so I let people bully me. Maybe a guilty conscience trying to take a little of my own medicine. Also, in 6^th grade, I had a 36 inch waist, so there's very little I had left in me to fight. I was made fun of for what I wore. Growing up chubby you don't want to wear anything where your chubbiness can be noticed, so it's generally baggy. I really can't go in depth in my own bullying experiences because that would probably make me cry, and I don't feel like crying today. I spent the second half of my 8^th grade year not wanting to go to school. Luckily (sadly) in high school there were girls more overweight than I was. It's easier to quietly hide behind those people and let your own problems be unnoticed. When you branch out in the world and find people fatter than you, that's how it's easy to become 217 pounds.

But bullying doesn't stop when you become an adult. Maybe it's not as hateful, because you're older and you've learned how to weave your words with a bit more selection. No, it's just as hateful, just more articulate. I've said it in several posts, losing weight in a vacuum would be so easy. The problem with losing weight is you have to still interact with everyone else in the world. And a lot of those people have tried to do what you're succeeding at... and in those moments of impulse, trying to take that negative focus off of themselves, they make fun of you for eating healthy.

I've done it. 217 pound Katie used to say the meanest things about people who chose to eat the things that I now find delicious and satisfying. I'm so sorry I ever did that. It happens through trying to support your own behavior; give yourself purpose and a reason to overeat. You can't fess up to yourself that the real reason you overeat is your bleak dissatisfaction with your life, so you cling to taste and that warm belly feeling when you have all that fast food in your stomach. And you laugh at those who won't let themselves enjoy that same feeling. That's “their problem” that they don't indulge. If I were that skinny, I'd eat all of the bad stuff I could find...

You know that's not true, though.

I've been feeling bullied lately. I try not to let it get to me. I try to find satisfaction in standing in front of the bathroom mirror after I take a shower and falling in absolute love with the body I see there. I stand at the water cooler at work, filling up my cup, pushing on my lower belly, feeling how little give there is now. Curling up on the couch with my handsome gentleman where he tells me that he can really feel a change in my shoulders and back. I'm really trying to focus. I'm finding that you get fit in the kitchen as well as in the gym. I've been really limiting my sodium. I'm still eating way too much sugar but it's coming from more natural sources, not like I'm eating a bunch of cake.

It's in focusing on yourself that you can find the strength. At the end of the day when you're nutritiously fed, you're still buzzing from having worked out, your body is tired and needing the excellent sleep that you're about to slip into... treasure those moments because they're not made to make anyone else feel good except for you. You should be selfish. Everyone who has anything negative to say to you about your journey or anyone who whispers anything behind your back about how much of a stick-in-the-mud you are and how you won't indulge with them... they're being selfish too. So you deserve it. No matter how much you try to remain a positive example, sometimes it becomes a little too much. You always have yourself to turn to.

I've been getting a lot of traffic on the blog here recently and I'm really excited. I like the idea that people enjoy my posts; hopefully it's helping someone out. Last week I shared my weekly food and exercise log and I definitely want to do that again. Exercise this week was a little different because OMG it was cold. The temperature was single digits so the wind chill was ridiculous. I only got 2 miles in running this week, a quick speed run on Monday (holiday off from work). I was pretty happy with my performance, didn't beat my fastest mile time (9:18) but I did get in 2 miles in under 20 minutes. I watched the clock and really pushed myself. The weather is supposed to warm up as the week progresses, so I'll at least get one run in this week. I'm trying to not be hard on myself about it. I technically don't have to start my half marathon training until May, but I'd like to get up to where I can run a 10k before I start that.

My exercise for the week was as follows:

Monday: Ripped in 30, Week 2, Day 3 + 2 Mile Run (Mile 1 9:23, Mile 2 10:08)

Tuesday: Ripped in 30, Week 2 Day 4

Wednesday: Ripped in 30, Week 2, Day 5 + Tap Dance Class

Thursday: REST

Friday: Ripped in 30, Week 3, Day 1

Saturday: Ripped in 30, Week 3, Day 2

Sunday: Ripped in 30, Week 3, Day 3

As you can see, there was a lot of strength this week. I got to where I was pretty kick ass at Week 2. And then Week 3 came. And I think Jillian Michaels is a genius because every time I feel like taking a rest, it's like she knows... and she starts screaming and I start kicking my own butt. I burn fewer calories as the weeks progress (just by 10 or so) because my heart rate just isn't getting as high. But I'm absolutely noticing body changes. I did Week 3, Days 1 and 2 in the handsome gentleman's awesome workout basement in front of the mirror, and my legs look SO awesome during lunges. I actually really like the mirror because I can see that I'm doing the moves with proper form. Don't want any injuries.

Only bummer is I don't want to mess with his weights too much (I picked one of his up that he uses for P90X and I got all impressed) so I just use the minimum weight. I upped the weights today since it was the first time in my living room (shout out to my downstairs neighbor and apologize for all the jump squats and jump lunges that you had to listen to today).

Getting some guns! :D

As an aside, through my journey I've noticed that there are times where we make goals that we're just not ready for. The last couple of times that I tried Ripped in 30 and never made it past the second day of the second week, I don't think I was physically ready for the challenge. Sort of how Couch to 5k gets to up to where you can do a 5k, you generally can't be 100% out of shape and just decide, “oh, I'm going to go run 3 miles today” without seriously regretting the decision afterward.

Take a look at the goals you're setting for yourself. Make sure they're attainable. Of course, always give yourself a challenge. Challenge is what changes you. But don't go crazy. I have never done more than 15 miles in a week running, so if I all of a sudden decide my goal is to run 35 miles this week, that's just crazy unrealistic. You have to let yourself get there. And when you do, you'll achieve and be motivated by the progress you make and motivated to challenge yourself again with an updated goal.

So what fueled my fire this week? So glad you asked... food log here:

Monday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Banana

Lunch: Panera Pick Two, ½ Classic Grilled Cheese, Low Fat Veggie Soup and Chocolate Chip Cookie

Dinner: Veggie and Fruit Juice, Cheese Stick

Snacks: None

Tuesday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Pineapple and Avocado

Lunch: Spinach Salad with Salmon and Avocado

Dinner: Leftover Sesame Chicken over Sauteed Mushrooms and Green Pepper

Snacks: Chobani Bites, Coffee with Dark Chocolate Chunks

Wednesday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Sesame Chicken over Salad with a Cheese Stick

Dinner: Spaghetti Squash with Avocado and Egg

Snacks: Chobani Bites, Raspberry with Chocolate Chunks

Thursday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake in Veggie/Fruit Juice

2^nd Breakfast: Vitatop with Peanut Butter and Banana

Lunch: Sesame Chicken over Salad with Cheese Stick

Dinner: SPLURGE NIGHT!! Out to dinner and had a burger and fries.

Snacks: Peanut Butter

Friday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Smart Ones – Angel Hair Marinara (only frozen meal this week!)

Dinner: Pork Loin Chop with Mashed Potatoes and Peas

Snacks: Chobani Bites, Pineapple with Caramel and Celery Sticks

Saturday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Panera Strawberry Yogurt Granola Parfait

Lunch: Banana and Egg Pancakes with Peanut Butter

Dinner: Broccoli and Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast with Pasta and Corn

Snacks: Cheese Stick and Popcorn

So... JUICING!! A new phenomenon I discovered this week. I had traded in a bunch of stuff to Amazon to get enough credit to buy a small elliptical machine. But as you can see, I'm being plenty active without it, so I feared not using it. So I bought a juicer instead. Which was cheaper. And I've been enjoying it!

The first juice I tried was Strawberry, Cucumber, Pineapple and Spinach. It tasted like Strawberry... and that's it. It was a very funky color and felt a little weird drinking that but it tasted fine. Supposedly to figure out the calories for juicing you take the calories of the food itself and then subtract 4 calories for every gram of fiber in those fruits and veggies, because you lose the fiber. On MyFitnessPal there's a way to add the “juice” from certain items and it logs your nutrition so that's the way I tried it the second time. The second juice I made was Spinach, Pineapple, Strawberry and Celery. I mixed my protein shake into that and it tasted just fine.  Yea, check out those glasses.  Classy! 

Today I'm hoping to try out some carrot and broccoli juice and I'll use the pulp to make broccoli cheese soup. Nom.

I had three days of leftovers of the sesame chicken I shared with you last week (downside of cooking for one, because when you cook something big you're eating it forever). I had it over a salad twice and then had it over sauteed veggies, which was actually the best part.

I went crazy and ate something SUPER crazy but it turned out to be pretty fantastic. I had the leftover spaghetti squash from the first night of the sesame chicken. I chopped up an avocado and mixed it in to spaghetti squash that I warmed up. Added an over medium fried egg to the top and then chopped it up and let the yolk run all over. FANTASTIC. It was so freaking good. I had that for dinner Wednesday before running out to dance class. Something fast right after my workout.

Saturday I ventured into a recently Pinterest discovery where you make pancakes with just two eggs and a banana. It really is that easy.

I threw two eggs into my Magic Bullet cup and then mashed up the banana with a fork before I added it, just to make sure it blended well. I mixed the batter up until it looked something like the picture here. It was pretty thin, but once the pancakes started to heat up they seemed to hold together well. There is a fine line between burning these and turning these; they won't release until they're well cooked on the one side. Flip them and cook them a little on the other side. I smeared peanut butter between them because you know, I'm pretty obsessed with peanut butter and banana. Next time, I'll definitely try them with syrup. Probably will taste like French Toast.

I stayed under my weekly food budget yesterday when I went to the grocery because Thursday I'm heading off to enjoy my birthday surprise with my handsome gentleman. Will hopefully get in a run before we leave and I'll try my best to eat nice and healthy things while we're gone. It's pretty easy with him, as he eats healthy too. He'll even take a fork full off my mountain of mashed potatoes to save me a couple calories. What a guy. :)