My First Half Marathon

I would like to tell you everything.

I would tell you everything, but there’s not enough space on the internet to put it all down here. Every little thing that’s happened to me since the last time that I made time to post on the blog. It’s all overwhelming. Instead I’ll offer a break down… a stream of consciousness. A list of phrases. And when I’m through we will all be on the same page, my skin shed to the floor, and we can start again. You’ll know where I am.

I last posted on June 16^th.

9 year old with a football.

Broken finger.

Two classes vs. summer sun.

Bikini.

6 miles.

Tan.

Fourth of July.

Mountains.

Fish.

Starlight.

Heartbreak.

Leaving me.

Pull back.

Leaving me.

Pull back.

8 miles.

Beer.

Pancakes. Nachos. Beer. Burgers. Beer.

Beer.

129. 131. 133. 135.

Going out.

Midterm.

6 weeks until Half Marathon.

Two classes vs. heartbreak

Dancing partner. Movies. Bowling. Curiosity.

Two classes vs. training runs

10 miles.

Finger splint removed. Still can’t make a fist.

Tan line. Tan lines. No tan lines.

Electric Run.

Sore knees. Lethargy.

2 miles. 5 miles. 2 miles.

Heartbreak.

Pull back.

Hope.

Hate.

Hurt.

End of term. One A. One Incomplete.

12 pages due October 10.

5 line dances in a row.

Confusion.

Numbness.

Beer.

Cleaning house. It’s okay to be alone.

Wake up at 6:00 AM.

Half Marathon.

13.1 miles.

Hope.

I ran my first Half Marathon on Sunday.

I had these dreams of coming home and writing all about it, picking out every little detail for you. Everything I felt. But you don’t realize until you stop running, until you slow down and hit a wall of smiling friends at the end of the line, you let your muscles rest and be sore. You don’t realize how tired you really are. Let’s start at the beginning.

In the 6 weeks leading up to the Half Marathon, I sketched out my training plan up on my fun, glass, Ikea white board. For those who are interested in doing a Half and don’t have anyone to train you, I used the Runner’s World Big Book of Marathon/Half Marathon training. The program really did get me up to the mileage, and it did it even though I pretty much blew off every long run but one of the 10 milers. I doubled up on some weeks just in case I got sick… but for the most part I followed it blindly.

So on my white board, I’d put a blue star over the runs that I did (total of about 14 weeks of training, by the way, so this was at the end). I marked through in red what I didn’t do. Here’s what it looks like now…

I wasn’t eating properly to support my workouts. I have been going out to get my mind off of all of the stress with my relationships and with school… with my work and with my relationships. I’d go out and get things and though my quantity wasn’t terrible (never overfull, always had enough leftovers for 1-2 meals afterward) I still felt sluggish. Perks were: No soda. No fast food.

August 30^th marked my one year anniversary of making goal. Between the eating poorly and the Half Marathon muscle growth, I’m still well under the 145 lb goal, but I’ve been teetering around 135 instead of down toward 130. I’m trying to accept that fact. My clothes all still fit.

Training finished. I made sure to run the last workouts of the week leading up to Sunday’s race. One two miler, one five, and another two. Then I took two days of rest (plus country line dancing and pushups). Went to sleep at 11 PM the night before the race to be up by 6 AM.

I didn’t shower. I had everything already packed up that I needed. Shoes. Spare socks. Two Island Boosts (energy gel). Water belt with Gatorade/water mix. Headphones. Long sleeve. Clothes for post race, if needed. The kitchen sink. A giraffe.

A friend of mine was volunteering for the race, so I picked him up on my way up to Concord, NH. That meant I had to arrive at 7 for him to be there on time. The race started at 9 AM.

I took my time getting ready. Put some friction aid on the side of my toes before slipping on my toe socks. Laced up my shoes. Left my jacket on until the last possible minute, but luckily the sun started to come out (it’s not summer anymore here in New Hampshire, folks). 

Stood around and chatted with people. I knew the organization that was putting the race on, so I knew a lot of the people there. So many hadn’t seen me for a year and were amazed at how I looked after all that training and all that running. It felt really good to be reminded of what I’d accomplished. A lot of the race tips for someone’s first Half Marathon is that you do a race that’s been established for a while and is popular because they’re going to be the ones that know how to keep you hydrated and take care of you. This was the second year of this Half and I was 100% accommodated. It was a great experience. I much preferred knowing tons of people to having a super crowded race.

Half hour left to go. I did a quick little jog around the park where the starting line was. Finished my jog at the porta-potties. Did some upper body stretches. Got my water belt on. Gave my friend my keys. Got my iPhone ready with MapMyWalk and music. I was ready to go.

I started about ¾ of the way back from the start line and watched as I kept up with the group around the first corner.

It’s interesting, running in New Hampshire. There’s never really a moment where you’re not going uphill or downhill. Everything is at least a gradual of each. So all of my training runs had plenty of hills, as did this course.

I remember every mile and yet I don’t. I don’t because I didn’t get a chance to drive or run/walk the course before the day of the race, so most of the time I had no idea where I was. The race was very well marked and I knew a bunch of the people out volunteering to hold back traffic, so it was so nice and motivating to get a kind word and a cheer as I moved forward.

Between miles 3 and 4

I started off fairly quickly. Unlike my training runs, my 3^rd and 4^th miles were not terrible at all. The “Mile 1” marker was a blessing. “Mile 2” a laugh, because very close by was a sign that read “You are not almost there.” Laughed with a couple that was running together, who I later passed and never saw again. “Mile 3” to “Mile 6” are sort of a blur. I did have my headphones (one in my ear, one tucked under the shoulder of my sports bra, so I could hear the other runners and traffic) in but I can’t remember too much of what was playing. I had it going for my pace and to hear when I was close to a mile marker.

“Mile 7” and “Mile 8” brought with it the craziest lower abdominal distress known to man. Wow. You really don’t know what bouncing up and down for an hour and a half can do to your organs. I didn’t get a single side stitch the entire race though… and I did plenty of upper body warm-ups, so the only part of me that felt this race were my heart and my legs.

“Mile 9” and “Mile 10” were exciting. I’d only ever ran 10 miles before this, so every step past the “Mile 10” mark were steps to glory and catching a new horizon with every footfall. Three miles of nothing but milestone.

“Mile 11” saw the pain. My right hamstring all the way up to my right butt cheek was sore. I started massaging my butt while I ran/walked. The walking became more frequent at this point, but it was the case also for the folks that were with me for most of the race.

12.5 Miles

“Mile 12” was heroic. One more mile left to go and I still hadn’t seen my friend at his second post. I knew I’d have someone soon cheering me on. Saw him at the 12.5 mile… the folks I ran with for most of the race were about 2 minutes in front of me. There were people about 2 minutes behind me. It was all me, just like the training and just like getting there and believing I could do it. I did this thing. No one made me, no one helped me (except for that same friend at the 12.5 mile mark took time to run a few of my mid-week medium length runs with me which I am so thankful for).

I knew Charles Street was my last turn. And when I saw that street sign my heart leapt. A slight downhill. And I could see the “13 Mile” marker up ahead. I stopped to walk a little… because I wanted that last .1 mile to be all running. And it was.

My goal for this first Half Marathon was two-fold. Don’t be last. Finish in 2 hours and 30 minutes. I had checked the time when I was starting to slow down and I had already decided that 2 hours, 35 minutes would have been okay…

But once that “13 Mile” mark was right there next to me and I picked up all the strength I had left to run the rest of the race, I entered White Park again, running now on the grass approaching the finish line. And I watched the grass, trying not to fall… and I look up. And I saw 2:28:00 on the clock and I was so happy. Both goals achieved.

I saw my handsome gentleman, still so important to me despite our recent issues and the recent heartbreak and anger/frustration/love. He got this picture of me crossing the finish line. And he walked up to hug me, but I couldn’t stop moving. My legs were insane.

Finish Line

I tried to stretch. I was too excited. I had my medal in one hand, a water bottle in the other. A couple more friends were there at the finish line and I just wanted to blurt out everything I was feeling and everything I saw and experienced.

13.1 miles of big hills…

Trees

Smiles

Cramps

Water

Whispering to myself

Mouthing song lyrics

Strength

Thinking

Loving

Running

Finally I was able to come down from the high. I gave the handsome gentleman the hug he was looking for, but all salty and disgusting. I was congratulated by so many. I checked my results.

Gun Time: 2:28:16

Net Time: 2:28:06

Pace: 11:16

76 out of 98 runners

8 out of 9 in F2029 Division

Looking ahead there’s so much I want to do.

I want to get back on track eating. I want to drink less and really try to focus to make sure I can get back down to 130 or so. I know it’s only 5 pounds… but I worked really hard to get 87 of them off. I don’t want to have to do that again.

Next up on the fitness train, when my legs finally recover (they’re still very “aware” of themselves) is Rushfit. Running a couple days a week. Trying to find that upper body strength that I had with ChaLean that sort of softened up with constant lower body movement. I still can’t make a fist with my broken finger side (left) so it’ll be challenging. I can’t wait to get started.

This coming Saturday, there’ll be a tattoo commemorating the whole experience of the Half Marathon.

And hopefully, next week and each week after will yield a new blog post as I try to put myself back together.

Even the strong ones struggle.

We question what’s right and what we’re doing.

If life were easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.

What You Want

Every other week at the office I've been facilitating “healthy lifestyle support group meetings.” Though the people that have been attending are all interested in losing weight, the purpose isn't necessarily to do that, but rather to adapt our lives to treating ourselves better and practicing healthy habits. The last few meetings I've tried to come up with a topic to talk about because there's only so much you can say about what you're doing to try to stay healthy. This coming week, I'm going to talk about excuses.

In an attempt to not sound mean... which it might come off as mean but really it just is “stern” or “determined” when I say that I'm so tired of hearing excuses. And we have excuses for everything we don't really want to do. It reminds me of one of my favorite pins on Pinterest... the quote that says, “Don't be disappointed by the results you didn't get from the work you didn't do.” It comes down to deciding what you want.

What do you want? If you want pizza, I'm sure there's nothing stopping you there. But maybe you want to lose weight or you want to exercise more or you want to feel great and confident in tank tops this summer. But do you really want it? You MUST want it. You have to want it. Otherwise, there's nothing that's going to keep you from making an excuse to not get it.

Some excuses for not eating healthy and exercising. Just to name a few...

It's too expensive to eat healthy.

I don't have time to exercise.

I'm tired after work and don't feel like exercising.

Food planning and packing lunches is hard work.

I can't think of anything to cook.

Pardon my frankness, but each of these things and probably anything you could come up with for me is complete bullshit. I went to the grocery for the week and spent $41 for myself... last week I got 433 minutes of activity, which represents a whopping 4% of the minutes in my week. I work 25% of the minutes in the week. You don't think I'm tired after a day at work? But I come home and I exercise anyway because it's important to me. Because I want to. Food planning is fun. I love food. I look forward to snack time because I know what I have coming to me. And if you're still reading my blog and you can't think of anything to cook, well, I'm not doing a very good job, am I?

Do you want to get to the point where all of this, all the work, it's just second nature? Do you really want it? It takes work. It takes thought and awareness. It takes your attention. And it's worth it.

There's a flip side to this. And it's something that I struggle with because now that I'm where I want to be I find myself terrified that something is going to happen that is going to make me having to start all over again (hopefully that's not likely). It's okay not to want this. It's okay to be content with how things are. If you don't want it, no one is twisting your arm (except maybe your doctor). But if you feel like you're trying and you feel like you want it, chances are you do. You're just scared or overwhelmed or the things that need to change aren't changing fast enough for you and you're getting discouraged. That isn't the time to make excuses. That's the time to evaluate what you're doing and find something else that works for you. Change what you're eating. Drink more water. Change the type of exercise you're doing. Don't sabotage yourself with excuses.

I think this time last year I talked about trigger foods. About the foods you can't trust yourself with. Today I try and think of a list of trigger foods and I don't have any. I laughingly think to myself that I'm cured of my carb cravings. I can't remember the last time I had a REAL sandwich... with bread. The last time I had real potato chips. And if I did have them it was on a plate, not out of a bag. I have day dreams about apples and peanut butter. I used to make myself two servings of pasta. I could clean my plate at the Olive Garden. I haven't been to the Olive Garden in a year and a half.

I run those healthy lifestyle meetings and I do this blog to remind you that it's possible. Not only to tell you that it's possible, but to tell me that I'm not dreaming. I stay accountable for myself. I stay accountable for you, reading these words now. I stay accountable for my coworkers that come in to work, step on a scale, and talk to me about eating well.

In the spirit of not making any more excuses, I'm happy to report that I've done something non-weight related that I'm really proud of and really excited to get started with. I've been accepted to Graduate School and I'm going to start working toward an MA in English and Creative Writing in Poetry. I've been making excuses for years.

At the end of the last semester of my undergrad, I held in my hand a letter telling me that I was not accepted to graduate school. It had two sentences. It gave me nothing other than telling me that I wasn't what they wanted. I wanted to be a teacher. Maybe I didn't, maybe I didn't really want to be a teacher. I had just been in school for so long, being at teacher felt like an extension of school. It was extension of the comfortable. I knew school. I had 16 years of it under my built. I knew how hallways and class bells and lockers worked. I was used to being around students and teachers. And I loved learning. So it seemed like that was what I should do.

I feel like the whole experience of applying and preparing for this thing that I didn't get to do, it all seems so surreal now. I took the GRE and PRAXIS exams for no good reason. I got good scores. And ever since I held that letter telling me that I wasn't what they wanted, I started to reevaluate what it was that I wanted. I'd fantasized about an MFA in Poetry. Most of those programs, including the one that I found here in New Hampshire, always involve sequestering yourself. Like I have to take a journey to Walden Pond and live off the land until I create this epic opus of my work that stands for something. Made out of my sinew, etched in my bones. No one has time for that. Not someone who has a mortgage and lives on her own and works full time. We don't get to move into Robert Frost's house and write by the flickering firelight.

Then last year, when I was going through the little bit of therapy that I allowed myself, she asked me why I didn't go back to school if I wanted to. My excuse to her was the money. My undergrad is paid off, thanks to the fastidiousness of an ex-husband terrified of debt, so I just felt like creating debt for myself wasn't in the cards. I barely have enough money to pay the bills I have. So what was the use of adding on more bills for a Master's degree I don't need.

She told me it was okay to go back to school.

Then I wondered about the program. Do I really want a Master's in English? What good is it? My excuse then became, well, should I do something that I love or should I do something that will make sense for what I do? Shouldn't I get an MBA or something with organizational leadership. Something that will make me a better office worker? And I thought about it and thought about it. And the excuse is my indecision.

On President's Day, I'm sitting on the couch, drinking my first breakfast, watching the news and there's a commercial for Southern New Hampshire University's online Master's programs, so I flipped through the website to see what they had. And there it was. MA in Creative Writing. All online. No flippant exodus into solitude required. And I'd end the program with a thesis consisting of my poems and with not only a deeper understanding of the thing that I love most but I think of myself too.

When you peel away all the excuses and you see what you really want, the decision is easy.

I put together 6 pages of poems. I write a statement of purpose. I filled out an application and I did a FAFSA for the first time in 7 years (which by the way, is so super easy when you do it with your own tax information and not that of your parent's). And I got an e-mail from my admission counselor that I had been accepted into the program. I'm registered for my first two classes and I've got most of my books already. I start April 1. I'm so excited. I'm proud of myself for getting something that I want. I should really be used to it by now, but the more I focus, the more I achieve and the more I give away my fear of failure... it's becoming second nature and like I should wonder why I ever settled on what I didn't really want.

I doubt it's going to take up that much of my time. I do have a terribly large amount of free time. Bowling will be over on the 18^th, so I'm just going to take a break from organized sports for a while. Besides, softball season is starting soon and I do so enjoy watching my handsome gentleman play his games. I'll just need to make much more time for reading and writing (oh darn). My goal is to get good grades and not give up on my exercising.

Another goal I have to tackle involves emptying out my drawers and closet of clothes that just don't fit anymore and writing down a list of what I need to replace.  I have no shorts or capris to wear this coming spring/summer because they're all huge.  Size 10 doesn't fit anymore... so everything I had to buy last summer is void.  Can't fake this stuff.

This week in review... I'm starting to learn how my body reacts to this new pill and oh boy do I get the munchies like a crazy woman in the final two weeks of the pack. Not the last week as much, but it's essentially like I can eat my weight in anything. Anything that can sit still long enough to be bitten off and chewed and swallowed. That Papa John's pizza that I ordered with that god forsaken half off coupon they sent me went down so easy. But do you know what I didn't do? I didn't order the cinnapie to go with it. Tally mark on the “victory” column. Here's what I ate this week:

Monday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Almond milk and strawberries with Vanilla protein)

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Salmon and Mango Salad

Dinner: Peanut Butter Protein Shake

Snacks: Peach Yogurt and Candy (caaaandy)

Tuesday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Milk and Cinnamon)

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Amy's Medium Organic Chili and Sweet Potato

Dinner: The rest of the Papa John's pizza

Snacks: Candy and a Protein Bar (i.e. candy with protein in it)

Wednesday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Almond Milk and Chai)

2^nd Breakfast: Vita Top and Banana

Lunch: Lean Cuisine Southwest Chicken Salad Additions

Dinner: Salmon and Sweet Potato

Snacks: Cottage Cheese, Strawberries, and a Deep Chocolate Vitamuffin

Thursday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (Almond Milk and Strawberries)

2^nd Breakfast: Vitabun (English Muffin), Peanut Butter and Banana

Lunch: Veggie Sushi Roll

Dinner: Pork Tenderloin with Shiitake Mushrooms and Broccoli

Snacks: Fiber One Chocolate Cereal and Milk

Friday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Vitatop, Peanut Butter and Banana

Lunch: Spinach/Romaine Salad with Blood Orange

Dinner: Leftovers of Pork Tenderloin and Veggies

Snacks: Cookies and Cream Cake (it was a small piece... that I deserved...)

Saturday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Vitatop with Peanut Butter

Lunch: Salmon and Peas and Carrots

Dinner: Side Salad, Small piece of garlic bread and veggie lasagna

Snacks: Shake made of strawberry yogurt, almond milk and frozen banana. Also some almonds.

Sunday

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake (milk and chai)

2^nd Breakfast: Vitabun (English Muffin), Egg and ½ Avocado

Lunch:

Dinner:

Snacks:

Let's go over a few of those things. I'm trying to get as adventurous as I can with my protein shakes because I need to keep them not boring. Sometimes it's just easier to mix up my protein in milk and drink it while doing my hair in the morning and be done with it. But I've taken to breaking out the Magic Bullet in the morning and throwing some fruit in there. I bought a box of straws a couple weeks ago and that has made shakes so much more delicious. It's amazing what a straw can do.

I've also taken to the afternoon snack in such a way that I'm considering changing my meal names on MyFitnessPal to reflect the absolute necessity that the 3:00 PM meal has in my life at the moment. I tried to make them pretty this week.

Second breakfast this morning was a delicious breakfast sandwich. I had a free shipping coupon for Vitalicious so I stocked up on Vitatops, got some Vitamuffins for the first time (the Deep Chocolate legit “muffin” is so soft and delicious), and I also got a couple packages of the Vitabuns to throw in the freezer. They're really good and I feel like they're just more sturdy than your typical english muffin. It's also 100 calories.

Spent the morning at the grocery and I've found that shopping the perimeter of the store does in fact give you the most healthy options. I've also found that I've become that snooty person who buys organic food. It's really not on purpose, I just have in my mind what I want and there isn't a non-organic option at the store. I can buy organic food and still keep to my $40 per week budget. Give me another excuse that you can't afford to eat healthy. I eat a ton of food for $40.

Yesterday's afternoon snack was the bomb. There should always be a frozen banana in your freezer for instances of milk shake. Yesterday I blended ½ of almond milk with a 6 oz container of Stoneyfield Farms Strawberry Blends yogurt and a frozen banana. Don't forget the straw. Oh man. So freaking good.

Luckily the bit of candy obsession that I had this week (and the large pizza) didn't keep me from getting down a little more.  Lost .2 lbs this MONTH.  Yea.  It goes by months now.

That's how I fueled. How did I burn?

Monday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 6, Bowling and 12 Push-ups

Tuesday: Run to work, 2.75 miles and 15 Push-ups

Wednesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 3, Day 1 and 15 Push-ups

Thursday: 30 Day Shred, Level 3, Day 1 and 15 Push-ups

Friday: REST and 17 Push-ups

Saturday: Run 3.1 miles, beat my PR for mile time with a 8:51 minute mile, and 17 Push-ups

Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Level 3, Day 3 and 20 Push-ups

I really didn't like Level 2 of 30 Day Shred. There were too many reps. It seemed like overkill. It doesn't have the same layout as Ripped in 30 where she does maybe 3 strength exercises and you do them all an equal amount of time. In 30 Day Shred, you start with the first strength exercise in the circuit, do that for 30 seconds, then the second exercise is done for 1 minute. Doing rows for 3 minutes straight is just... irritating. But I made it through and got to Level 3 this week. Only 3 more exercises left in 30 Day Shred. I'm so proud of how I've kept up with exercising this year. I give myself one rest day a week and it's been that way since January 7^th. That's 2 months. Wowza. I've never exercised like this and I love the way I'm changing and I love the way I feel.

On Tuesday I ran to work... which was mostly out of utility because my car was in the shop, but it was nice to get some activity in before work. Unfortunately, the temperatures were colder than I usually run and the sidewalks were really dangerous. I made terrible time and it was an overall bad run. But that's okay. A bad run is better than no run at all and I still burned calories. Yesterday's run made up for it because I ROCKED the HOUSE! I broke my record speed for a mile not once, but technically twice. My first mile and my second mile were both faster than my previous record, first mile clocking in at 8:51 and my second at 9:16. Finished a 5k length in 29:37. I think that's the fastest I've ever done that in a training run. I have a 5k this coming Saturday and I'm so excited to see how fast I go.

A little aside about my running and what I've noticed. I have never been “trained” when it comes to running. I've done my apps and I've read articles and I try to learn what I can about form and ways to train, but I've never done anything organized. I'm finding that the more core strength I have, my runs are becoming easier and faster. I run not only with my legs but with my lower abs and obliques. I can feel them tighten when I speed up. I feel that my breath is stronger and better controlled. My leg strength has really helped too. I feel that I can push off of the ground better and my legs don't get tired. Running 3.1 is now just something I do.

Go out this week and do something that you really want. Find what you want and make it happen for yourself. Success breeds confidence and that breeds more success. Don't settle and don't make excuses. You're worth the hard work.

Stress and Getting Frito-Laid

My office was closed on Monday and yet this was such a long week. It was such a HUNGRY week. But I'm proud that I went to the gym every, single day between Saturday and Thursday. 6 days straight. That makes up for the couple weeks of complete and utter laziness that I had been dragging myself through.

A little background on how the week went food wise. I couldn't get enough of it really. I was so hungry all the time. I only remember one day that I didn't have a morning snack and that was because I was so busy I couldn't actually feel my hunger. I felt the pangs of “stress eating” coming on, something that I battle with constantly. I don't impulsively eat when I'm depressed really (you know, whenever that might happen for about 2 seconds nowadays). I eat when I'm stressed. Feeling pressure. It's an oasis almost. I'm overwhelmed so the soft, chewy center of a Snickers bar is all I can think about. Or a plate of cheese fries. And I want it whether I'm hungry or not.

We're starting a very stressful time at work. Last year I gained 11 pounds back after some successful weight loss and I'm well beyond losing all of that again already. This year, I refuse to give in (too much). I think making sure I keep up with my exercising and trying to use that as stress release more than taking a dip in an endless bowl of ice cream will be essential.

I'm super excited that next week I'll be going to a dance class; something I haven't done since I was 15. I found an adult ballet class that does a ballet/yoga hybrid. They meet weekly on Mondays, which is a really good night for me. I'm hoping that this will give me an alternative to the gym and keep me from getting burned out. To be honest, I love the feeling of being all sweaty and motivated after 40 minutes on an elliptical, but it's starting to get mighty boring. Feels just a little like a hamster wheel.

In doing this, maybe I can get back into doing yoga at home. I think why the gym is so good for me is it gets me out of the house and away from so many distractions. There's always stuff to do here. There's dishes to be done, laundry to be washed... I've just recently let myself enjoy reading again because I always get distracted by work.

There was a triumph amongst the plethora of eating that went on this week. So I was laying on the couch, watching television, and this commercial comes on:

Marketing win. Way to go Frito-Lay company. I have been JONESING for some regular, good old-fashioned Lay's potato chips ever since. (I'm licking my lips right now. I can't help it). I have been wanting them so bad. Though a more accurate Queen song to play in the background would probably be “Get Down, Make Love” because yea. It goes that deep with me.

That was not an intentional pun. That was just a happy accident.

So. Friday while eating my Lein Cuisine Pepperoni Pizza, a coworker was running out to get herself a sandwich and I said, “Hey! If they have regular Lay's there, would you pick me up some? Not a big bag... a little one?” And she said sure. So I was giving in to temptation. Except she had to go be a ROCK STAR and bring me back Baked! Lay's. Of course, that's not what I wanted. But that's what I get. Because I didn't need them. Then today, I had every intention to buy myself a little package of the tiny bags of Lay's at the grocery store. Except I'm very much a Grocery List kind of gal (I can remember a ton of stuff long term... but sometimes I forget to wash my hair in the shower. And I forget things that aren't on my grocery list). And I didn't put it on my list. Thus it got forgotten.

THANK GOD!

Seriously. I'm not sure what gets into me, but I've been wanting certain things like CRAZY. They're comforting. I am afraid if I deny myself too much, I'll go insane and get a family size bag of Lay's and you'll find me on a street corner, sitting in a cardboard box, shoulder deep in an empty potato chip bag crying my eyes out. But if I just stay away... maybe I'll be okay.

That's the plus that I don't keep snacks here. I have two boxes of Girl Scout cookies sitting on my kitchen table. Last night I had three. I put them on a plate and enjoyed them. And I didn't go back for more. There was once a time when I would eat a whole box of Tagalongs before I left my office the day they were delivered to me. Insert gluttonous groan of satisfaction here.

I don't like food at all.

So speaking of food, I've done some mad cooking today. And I've eaten something that I cooked today which, as you know, is quite rare! I made a tasty pasta dish for lunches last week which I will share, I made another pasta dish for this week (which I sampled earlier for lunch) and I've got a Crock Pot full of Red Beans and Smoked Sausage going for lunches this week too.

Let's start with last week's pasta. It's funny because last week's pasta looks a lot like this week's pasta. I've got this thing going where pasta + tomatoes + green vegetables = meal! It's sort of the philosophy behind the frozen dinner to me, except when you eat a frozen dinner you intake a third of your daily sodium recommendation... which don't get me wrong, I do that a lot. But I try my best not too. MyFitnessPal loves to tell me when I've eaten too much sodium. And sugar. I surprisingly go over on sugar every day. Not a lot... it's not like I eat a box of cookies or anything.

So recipe numero uno; I'm really not sure where I found this originally. I was flipping through my little notebook of recipes and found this. Of course I can't follow anything exactly, so I made a few alterations. Essentially it's a Portobello and Asparagus Pasta Salad. I'm sure it would be good cold; I reheated it at lunch. Yum. This recipe makes three servings. Here's what to do:

1 pkg sliced portobello mushrooms (I didn't want to mangle them by getting whole caps. I did cut them once short ways in addition

to them already being sliced)

About 1 lb asparagus, cut into bite sized pieces

1 containers of grape tomatoes

2 servings (read the box) of uncooked penne pasta

1 ½ Tbsp of olive oil

Italian Seasoning

Cook your penne according to package directions. While that cooks, toss asparagus, mushrooms and tomatoes into a pan and cook until they are at desired doneness. I added some water to the pan and covered it for a while, steaming them a bit.

Combine olive oil and a generous helping of Italian Seasoning (I like the McCormick Grinder!). Mix that together and set aside. Drain pasta and return it back to the pot. Put about 1/3 of your spiced olive oil on the pasta and mix well. In a large bowl, combine pasta and your cooked vegetables. Top with the rest of the olive oil and combine well. Portion out evenly 3 ways and you're looking at 328 calories. This was actually very filling. This got me through to the end of the day.

As you may notice, I didn't add cheese to it. It's funny. I love cheese. But I've been leaving cheese out of a lot of recipes. It just doesn't need it. And I think it adds a lot of unnecessary fat. That's the perfect segway into the next recipe where I left the cheese out as well. I left it out of this because it has cheese in it already.

This next recipe was inspired by one found in my Betty Crocker 300 Calorie or less cookbook. The way I made it, it ends up being 325 calories, but that's just because my portion is a little larger. This recipe makes 4 servings.

1 10 oz pkg refrigerated cheese tortellini (you can use any kind, just factor in the change in calories when doing so, if you're watching that sort of thing).

1 container cherry tomatoes, halved

1 10 oz pkg frozen broccoli florets

1 1/2 tsp olive oil

¼ tsp garlic powder

¼ tsp crushed red pepper flakes

1 ½ Tbsp basil paste (it's these awesome things in the veggie area that I LOVE. You can use fresh basil too)

Cook the tortellini according to package directions, adding the frozen broccoli in the last 3 minutes of cooking. Frozen veggies will drop your water temperature, so it'll stop boiling. Don't worry. Just kick up your temperature a little and it will be hot enough at the end.

In a tiny, tiny bowl, combine oil, garlic powder, crushed red pepper and basil. Stir stir stir. Set aside. In a large bowl, add tomatoes. Add about ½ tsp of your oil and spice mixture to the tomatoes and gently toss. Once pasta and broccoli are finished, drain well. Add the pasta/veggie mixture to your bowl with the tomatoes and top with the remaining oil mixture. Combine gently as your tortellinis are delicate creatures.

This was VERY good... I ate it 2 hours ago and I could probably have a snack, but I'm not dying of hunger or anything.

Lastly, let's talk about my new slow cooker! So my Crock Pot is a hand-me-down from my dad (I mean, I stole it from my dad and he hasn't said anything, which he probably will now since he might actually read this. But he has one so he can't complain. Also I live 1000 miles away from him, so what's he gonna do about it? Hahaha). Whoa, digression. Anyhow, this hand-me-down Crock Pot is just fine. It does what it needs to do. Except it's one of those that doesn't have the lift out thing. So cleaning it takes FOREVER. You have to soak it, and soak it, and soak it. And scrub it in a very interesting fashion poised on the side of the sink.

So I bought a new one. It's beautiful and red. Amazon had it marked down from $66 to $18 so how on earth could I pass that up? I thought it would be fun to try some slow cooker recipes that I normally wouldn't go for because it's such a hassle to clean my other Crock Pot. I pretty much only use that one for pulled pork. Pulled pork is worth trying to clean something for three days after you enjoy it.

Here's what I've got cooking in it right now; Red Beans and Smoked Sausage. This will be served over couscous because 1) rice is okay, but a little boring and takes forever; 2) I just like saying couscous. The stats on this sans rice or couscous (couscous... couscous... couscous) is 287 calories and a nice 16 grams of protein. I didn't get to make it exactly how I'd planned because the grocery didn't have low fat smoked sausage today. Weird, huh? So here's how I made it; this is nearly a Cooking Light recipe:

3 cups water

1 cup dried red kidney beans (soak them first according to package directions. I did the quick soak method. They're not cooking for 16 hours so you really should prep them).

1 chopped yellow onion

1 chopped green bell pepper

¾ cup chopped celery

1 teaspoon paprika

1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

½ tsp black pepper

½ of a 14 oz package of beef smoked sausage

3 garlic cloves, sliced thin

Combine everything into your slow cooker. The Cooking Light recipe says to use a 2-quart, but this filled my 4 quart pretty nicely. Cover and cook on HIGH for 5 hours. I'm going to take a look at it at 4 hours since this is the first time using my new slow cooker and I don't know how hot it gets. Really, the beans are all you have to worry about being done. The sausage is cooked. The veggies should be fine after 4-5 hours.

Fun fact; if you're wanting to salt this recipe, do it after it cooks. I learned this recently; if you salt the beans before they slow cook, something about the salt will keep them from cooking properly. How interesting.

Serve over your choice of grain and make sure you add the calories of that grain. It ain't free.

This has been a long post, so thanks for hanging in there. My weight loss this week was barely a blip on the radar. I'm the same weight today that I was on Monday so I might see another .3 loss like I did last week. And that's okay. It goes in waves. And so long as all this food frenzy didn't make me gain a lot, I'm satisfied.

I want to take a moment to mention something (someone) pretty awesome that came into my life recently (it's been a few months, but definitely recent if you compare it to how long my family members have been in my life). I've had a new boyfriend for a while and I can't help but give him a big shout out this week for how awesomely supportive he has been about my weight loss and how awesome he EATS! He's a pretty healthy guy and I would be lying if I said that being near someone who takes good care of themselves isn't seriously key to me being successful. I'm nearly 15 pounds down from our first date and that is so unlike anything I've ever experienced. So, thank you. I've known many sabateurs along my journey and he is the exact opposite of that. Weight loss is definitely a road you take alone... but having someone there being supportive is priceless. And not everyone gets that luxury. I'm a very lucky lady. Did I mention he likes my cooking? :) And he eats brussel sprouts. OMG you know you're so jealous of me right now.