My First Half Marathon

I would like to tell you everything.

I would tell you everything, but there’s not enough space on the internet to put it all down here. Every little thing that’s happened to me since the last time that I made time to post on the blog. It’s all overwhelming. Instead I’ll offer a break down… a stream of consciousness. A list of phrases. And when I’m through we will all be on the same page, my skin shed to the floor, and we can start again. You’ll know where I am.

I last posted on June 16^th.

9 year old with a football.

Broken finger.

Two classes vs. summer sun.

Bikini.

6 miles.

Tan.

Fourth of July.

Mountains.

Fish.

Starlight.

Heartbreak.

Leaving me.

Pull back.

Leaving me.

Pull back.

8 miles.

Beer.

Pancakes. Nachos. Beer. Burgers. Beer.

Beer.

129. 131. 133. 135.

Going out.

Midterm.

6 weeks until Half Marathon.

Two classes vs. heartbreak

Dancing partner. Movies. Bowling. Curiosity.

Two classes vs. training runs

10 miles.

Finger splint removed. Still can’t make a fist.

Tan line. Tan lines. No tan lines.

Electric Run.

Sore knees. Lethargy.

2 miles. 5 miles. 2 miles.

Heartbreak.

Pull back.

Hope.

Hate.

Hurt.

End of term. One A. One Incomplete.

12 pages due October 10.

5 line dances in a row.

Confusion.

Numbness.

Beer.

Cleaning house. It’s okay to be alone.

Wake up at 6:00 AM.

Half Marathon.

13.1 miles.

Hope.

I ran my first Half Marathon on Sunday.

I had these dreams of coming home and writing all about it, picking out every little detail for you. Everything I felt. But you don’t realize until you stop running, until you slow down and hit a wall of smiling friends at the end of the line, you let your muscles rest and be sore. You don’t realize how tired you really are. Let’s start at the beginning.

In the 6 weeks leading up to the Half Marathon, I sketched out my training plan up on my fun, glass, Ikea white board. For those who are interested in doing a Half and don’t have anyone to train you, I used the Runner’s World Big Book of Marathon/Half Marathon training. The program really did get me up to the mileage, and it did it even though I pretty much blew off every long run but one of the 10 milers. I doubled up on some weeks just in case I got sick… but for the most part I followed it blindly.

So on my white board, I’d put a blue star over the runs that I did (total of about 14 weeks of training, by the way, so this was at the end). I marked through in red what I didn’t do. Here’s what it looks like now…

I wasn’t eating properly to support my workouts. I have been going out to get my mind off of all of the stress with my relationships and with school… with my work and with my relationships. I’d go out and get things and though my quantity wasn’t terrible (never overfull, always had enough leftovers for 1-2 meals afterward) I still felt sluggish. Perks were: No soda. No fast food.

August 30^th marked my one year anniversary of making goal. Between the eating poorly and the Half Marathon muscle growth, I’m still well under the 145 lb goal, but I’ve been teetering around 135 instead of down toward 130. I’m trying to accept that fact. My clothes all still fit.

Training finished. I made sure to run the last workouts of the week leading up to Sunday’s race. One two miler, one five, and another two. Then I took two days of rest (plus country line dancing and pushups). Went to sleep at 11 PM the night before the race to be up by 6 AM.

I didn’t shower. I had everything already packed up that I needed. Shoes. Spare socks. Two Island Boosts (energy gel). Water belt with Gatorade/water mix. Headphones. Long sleeve. Clothes for post race, if needed. The kitchen sink. A giraffe.

A friend of mine was volunteering for the race, so I picked him up on my way up to Concord, NH. That meant I had to arrive at 7 for him to be there on time. The race started at 9 AM.

I took my time getting ready. Put some friction aid on the side of my toes before slipping on my toe socks. Laced up my shoes. Left my jacket on until the last possible minute, but luckily the sun started to come out (it’s not summer anymore here in New Hampshire, folks). 

Stood around and chatted with people. I knew the organization that was putting the race on, so I knew a lot of the people there. So many hadn’t seen me for a year and were amazed at how I looked after all that training and all that running. It felt really good to be reminded of what I’d accomplished. A lot of the race tips for someone’s first Half Marathon is that you do a race that’s been established for a while and is popular because they’re going to be the ones that know how to keep you hydrated and take care of you. This was the second year of this Half and I was 100% accommodated. It was a great experience. I much preferred knowing tons of people to having a super crowded race.

Half hour left to go. I did a quick little jog around the park where the starting line was. Finished my jog at the porta-potties. Did some upper body stretches. Got my water belt on. Gave my friend my keys. Got my iPhone ready with MapMyWalk and music. I was ready to go.

I started about ¾ of the way back from the start line and watched as I kept up with the group around the first corner.

It’s interesting, running in New Hampshire. There’s never really a moment where you’re not going uphill or downhill. Everything is at least a gradual of each. So all of my training runs had plenty of hills, as did this course.

I remember every mile and yet I don’t. I don’t because I didn’t get a chance to drive or run/walk the course before the day of the race, so most of the time I had no idea where I was. The race was very well marked and I knew a bunch of the people out volunteering to hold back traffic, so it was so nice and motivating to get a kind word and a cheer as I moved forward.

Between miles 3 and 4

I started off fairly quickly. Unlike my training runs, my 3^rd and 4^th miles were not terrible at all. The “Mile 1” marker was a blessing. “Mile 2” a laugh, because very close by was a sign that read “You are not almost there.” Laughed with a couple that was running together, who I later passed and never saw again. “Mile 3” to “Mile 6” are sort of a blur. I did have my headphones (one in my ear, one tucked under the shoulder of my sports bra, so I could hear the other runners and traffic) in but I can’t remember too much of what was playing. I had it going for my pace and to hear when I was close to a mile marker.

“Mile 7” and “Mile 8” brought with it the craziest lower abdominal distress known to man. Wow. You really don’t know what bouncing up and down for an hour and a half can do to your organs. I didn’t get a single side stitch the entire race though… and I did plenty of upper body warm-ups, so the only part of me that felt this race were my heart and my legs.

“Mile 9” and “Mile 10” were exciting. I’d only ever ran 10 miles before this, so every step past the “Mile 10” mark were steps to glory and catching a new horizon with every footfall. Three miles of nothing but milestone.

“Mile 11” saw the pain. My right hamstring all the way up to my right butt cheek was sore. I started massaging my butt while I ran/walked. The walking became more frequent at this point, but it was the case also for the folks that were with me for most of the race.

12.5 Miles

“Mile 12” was heroic. One more mile left to go and I still hadn’t seen my friend at his second post. I knew I’d have someone soon cheering me on. Saw him at the 12.5 mile… the folks I ran with for most of the race were about 2 minutes in front of me. There were people about 2 minutes behind me. It was all me, just like the training and just like getting there and believing I could do it. I did this thing. No one made me, no one helped me (except for that same friend at the 12.5 mile mark took time to run a few of my mid-week medium length runs with me which I am so thankful for).

I knew Charles Street was my last turn. And when I saw that street sign my heart leapt. A slight downhill. And I could see the “13 Mile” marker up ahead. I stopped to walk a little… because I wanted that last .1 mile to be all running. And it was.

My goal for this first Half Marathon was two-fold. Don’t be last. Finish in 2 hours and 30 minutes. I had checked the time when I was starting to slow down and I had already decided that 2 hours, 35 minutes would have been okay…

But once that “13 Mile” mark was right there next to me and I picked up all the strength I had left to run the rest of the race, I entered White Park again, running now on the grass approaching the finish line. And I watched the grass, trying not to fall… and I look up. And I saw 2:28:00 on the clock and I was so happy. Both goals achieved.

I saw my handsome gentleman, still so important to me despite our recent issues and the recent heartbreak and anger/frustration/love. He got this picture of me crossing the finish line. And he walked up to hug me, but I couldn’t stop moving. My legs were insane.

Finish Line

I tried to stretch. I was too excited. I had my medal in one hand, a water bottle in the other. A couple more friends were there at the finish line and I just wanted to blurt out everything I was feeling and everything I saw and experienced.

13.1 miles of big hills…

Trees

Smiles

Cramps

Water

Whispering to myself

Mouthing song lyrics

Strength

Thinking

Loving

Running

Finally I was able to come down from the high. I gave the handsome gentleman the hug he was looking for, but all salty and disgusting. I was congratulated by so many. I checked my results.

Gun Time: 2:28:16

Net Time: 2:28:06

Pace: 11:16

76 out of 98 runners

8 out of 9 in F2029 Division

Looking ahead there’s so much I want to do.

I want to get back on track eating. I want to drink less and really try to focus to make sure I can get back down to 130 or so. I know it’s only 5 pounds… but I worked really hard to get 87 of them off. I don’t want to have to do that again.

Next up on the fitness train, when my legs finally recover (they’re still very “aware” of themselves) is Rushfit. Running a couple days a week. Trying to find that upper body strength that I had with ChaLean that sort of softened up with constant lower body movement. I still can’t make a fist with my broken finger side (left) so it’ll be challenging. I can’t wait to get started.

This coming Saturday, there’ll be a tattoo commemorating the whole experience of the Half Marathon.

And hopefully, next week and each week after will yield a new blog post as I try to put myself back together.

Even the strong ones struggle.

We question what’s right and what we’re doing.

If life were easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.

Stretch Marks and Shoveling Snow

I don't have stretch marks for noble reasons. I've never been pregnant. Never carried a baby. I have stretch marks because I used to put away entire large pizzas by myself. Three cheese conies. Side of cheese fries. Spicy chicken sandwich combo meal, plain, large size. Chinese buffet. 38 inch waist.

They don't bother me so much. Sometimes it's a bummer that I'll never have a pretty, tanned belly. It's like two, white clawed hands pushing up out of my pants, cradling my belly. Scarring like I wore a crown of thorns around my hips and with ever pound I gained, the wounds were made deeper. I actually remember when I got the ones around my navel. I was married. And I thought to myself, “Well... that's it... you've officially gotten too fat.”

I've got them under my arms. A little of my inner thighs.

But now I have them as a type of reminder. Of what I did to myself. And what I'm capable of.

Yesterday morning, I finished Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30. That's right. Met my short term goal. And I feel like if I'm able to do that, I'm able to do any workout I want. Here's the fitness log this week:

Monday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 3

Tuesday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 4

Wednesday: REST! (I needed this rest day more than I knew...)

Thursday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 5

Friday: P90X Yoga X (couples exercising!)

Saturday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 6 and a lot of shoveling snow

Sunday: Going to do some yoga later... some nice, relaxing yoga...

Wednesday I felt like crap. I took my rest day early and I needed it. I went to bed around 9 and just slept and slept and by Thursday I felt great. Friday night my handsome gentleman and I did his yoga routine together since I was sort of snowed in there. It was an hour and a half... wow. It was interesting, working out together. We'd never done that before. And it was cool to see what he could do and what I could do. I seemed to be more flexible on some things... he was able to do the things that required tons of strength. Of course he had a one up on me since he'd not only done the routine before, but he's in the 2^nd phase of P90X, so yea, he's strong.

Saturday morning I threw on the sports bra right after breakfast, determined to get my final workout in. There was about 17 inches of snow on the ground, so there was definitely some shoveling in our future... but I knew I'd be mad at myself if I didn't finish. I'm so glad I did. Then we got bundled up and went out to shovel. Both of us surprised ourselves. I've never been in this good of shape. We shoveled the ENTIRE two lane driveway, including the crazy stuff that the plow leaves at the end of the driveway (that was all him...) in about 2 hours. A little less, considering when you stop, breath, and look around. Today I've got sore abs, arms, upper back, hips... but it feels SO very good.

That was just a validation of the progress I've been making. The ability to do something I never thought I'd have the stamina to do. And seriously, I'm by no means perfect. I've still got this extra skin, especially right in the front. But it's definitely decreased over these past 30 days. That gives me hope that if I keep it up with the fitness, I can get rid of even more of the extra baggage I'm holding onto.

I started Ripped in 30 at 134.5 pounds. I had a 30.5 inch waist. 38 inch hips.

This morning, I weigh 134.1 pounds. I have a 28 inch waist. I have 36.5 inch hips. Way back when I first started Weight Watchers, I wrote in my LiveJournal (yea, I'm old) that I'd read that you should have a waist circumference of less than half your height in inches. I'm 64 inches tall. That's 32 inches. I never thought even that was possible. Now it's under 30 and I'm amazed! Here's some “after” pictures, since I was too self conscious to take any “before” to show. But we'll call these “before” pictures for my next leg of working out.

This week, I'm going to do mainly yoga and stretching, take a week off from the hardcore workouts and enjoy the body I've got. I can do yoga so much better now. I could stand in “tree” pose for hours... with my foot all the way up into my inner thigh.

Then, on the week of February 18^th I'm going to start Jillian's 30 Day Shred. My office is closed that day, so that'll be nice. I'd like to pop it in the DVD player and fast forward through it, just to see what I'm up against.

In food this week, it was a little hard. This is the week of the glorious PMS so Monday and Tuesday I gave in to SO many temptations. I think I ate my weight in candy... and of course it was candy that I didn't put in my tracker (thought I DID track my chocolate covered pretzels). So Thursday I got this brilliant plan to kick the temptations. I put a post-it on my desk and every time I actively thought, “I'm going to go grab a piece of candy,” I put a tick mark down. As you can see, I had 15 on Thursday. If I had eaten a Starburst for every one of those desires, that's 210 calories. That's breakfast. And it worked... because on Friday, as you can see from the photo, I had less of them. It's true, when you give in to desires, it's harder to deny yourself them. And really, it's okay to DENY yourself CANDY. It's not like you need it. Have some strawberries.

Here's the food log for this week:

Monday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Strawberry and Avocado Salad

Dinner: Salmon and Sweet Potato

Snack: Yogurt and too much candy/pretzels

Tuesday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Strawberry and Salmon Salad

Dinner: Broccoli & Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast with Cauliflower and Broccoli

Snack: Cottage Cheese, Pineapple and too much candy/pretzels

Wednesday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Frosted Mini Wheats in Milk

Lunch: Sweet Potato and Chili

Dinner: Buffalo Chicken Salad and Cinnamon Stix (told you there was bad stuff...)

Snack: Almonds

Thursday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Strawberry and Avocado Salad

Dinner: Ham and Mashed Potatoes with Side Salad and Broccoli (kudos to my handsome gentleman for this meal!)

Snack: Almonds and Kettle Corn Popchips

Friday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Triple Chocolate Vitatop with Peanut Butter and Banana

Lunch: Chili with a roll and grapes

Dinner: Pork tenderloin with noodles and brussels sprouts

Snack: Frosted Mini Wheats in Milk

Saturday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: 3 eggs with salsa

Lunch: Frosted Mini Wheats in Milk

Dinner: Veggie Calzone

Snack: n/a

Today I've had my protein shake, I've had a fried egg with bacon, and I had a veggie burger with some fries at the local cafe that I love. I'm still full... so no idea what dinner will be. But I have a pork roast in the crock pot to have this week and I made these Skinny Strawberry and Chocolate Chip muffins that I saw on Pinterest. YUM!!

 

I linked the recipe above and I did exactly what the recipe said. You don't mess with baking. It's chemistry. But it smells so good and I did taste the batter and it's delicious. I probably won't eat any until second breakfast tomorrow. I did punch the recipe into MyFitnessPal and I called 2 muffins a serving... 4 grams of fat and about 280 calories. I'm picturing a taste like chocolate covered strawberries.

Bought a couple things to try this week. Cinnamon Roll flavored Frosted Mini Wheats. Chocolate Fiber One cereal. Fiber One protein bars (I had some Fiber One coupons, obviously).

I've got mixed feelings going about taking an easy week working out. I know it'll feel good and such... but I don't want to be lazy. I'm sort of taking a cue from my handsome gentleman's P90X workout... he just finished a between phase week that had yoga and abs. I'm sure it'll work well. It'll also give me a chance to get over mother nature's super awesome visit. But I love it... because it is the only weight loss I get anymore.

Okay. Time to pull some pork.

The Biggest Loser and the Emotional Impact of Weight Loss

I can't watch very many reality tv shows. I have this thing where I get REALLY embarrassed for people. When I sit in a staff meeting and people say or do things that are slightly embarrassing for themselves, I just want to crawl under the table, put my hands over my ears and “la la la la” my way into oblivion. I can't see the foolish or conniving things that people do in front of a camera as entertainment. I'm generally repulsed.

But I've found myself catching reruns of The Biggest Loser now that it's on Netflix. Watching this show has REALLY opened my eyes to the psychology behind weight loss and has made me feel so good about myself and the things that I've gone through emotionally over the past year.

I started this blog with the idea of showing people how to cook healthy just cooking for one. Cooking for one, eating for one, has to be the EASIEST way to lose weight. Cooking single portions lends itself to not overeating. You have no one bringing things into the house that you don't need. No one is filling the cabinets or your grocery cart with cookies or soda behind your back. You have complete control of your life.

The last year has officially been the longest period of time that I have lived by myself. The ONLY time before that was after I left my husband. I lived 7 months on my own until I moved in with my dad for a few months before heading off to New Hampshire. It's been lonely at times. It's been eye opening. It's been hard. It's been relaxing. I think it's something everyone should experience before you intend to share your space with anyone else. I think I'll probably be living by myself for many years to come. Unfortunately? I don't know. It'll keep the weight off, that's for sure.

So there were a couple moments on Season 6 of The Biggest Loser (the Families season) that touched me and made me realize some things. The first actually made me break down in hysterical crying. Coleen had lost a bunch of weight and she tried on her “Goal Closet” item and it fit her. And I just lost it. I was so happy for her and then in turn so happy for myself because I think of how I used to need a XL or XXL top and now my closet is full of S and some of my M tops are getting too big.

I've had a lot of experience losing weight... and even I didn't see coming what happens to clothes sizes when you get down to goal. It's almost as if the sizes just fall off. You keep getting smaller even though your weight generally stays the same.

The other thing about that season that really touched me was watching the emotional impact of weight loss unfold. This past Spring I found myself really emotionally drained. I cried a lot. And while I watched the teams on The Biggest Loser battling through their workouts... then they stop and they cry despite the fact that they're doing excellent jobs. That made me feel so not alone.

It's probably very hard for a lot of people to understand. But not me. I've been overweight my whole coherent life and I even remember in my adolescence thinking things that absolutely attributed to that problem. When Nutritional Facts became mandatory my first thought was hating the idea of someone telling me what a “serving size” of something was. I didn't think about all of the other things that Nutritional Facts really do for us. I used to get upset about sports since that was something I never did as a kid. I think it's the fear of the unknown. When you're overweight, you don't know what it's like to be in shape, to be active, to have a healthy lifestyle. It's foreign and scary...

So when you achieve it. When you break past the unknown and become the thing you didn't understand before... it's jolting. Because it isn't being active or being healthy that you didn't understand, it's yourself. I hid behind food, I let food make me feel better, I let the baggy clothes try to hide my fat and if I didn't put forth any effort then I wouldn't draw attention to all that I could not accomplish.

When I ran my first 5k, I cried all the way home.

I've held onto my goal weight for nearly 2 weeks now. Nothing quite keeps you honest the way meeting that magic number will. I've decided that 140 is where I want to be, so I'm still consuming calories in such a way to lose weight. This past weekend I went a little overboard with the fried food, but I got back on track quickly. Being prepared will always work... having the equipment in your fridge and your cabinet to fuel your body and eat healthily sets you up for success.

This past weekend I did do something pretty fun with one of my friend's daughters. We had a little “girls” day which included going to the Mall and trying on clothes that we had no intention of buying... but the AWESOME part was that we were both trying on clothes from the JUNIORS section. And she's 12... and I'm not... :D It made me feel really awesome. Here's a couple samples of what was tried on:

I still have so much trouble when I look in the mirror, but a full length mirror has become something I really enjoy being around. I'm really toning up and losing surface area. I can see my pulse in my wrist. My clavicles are gorgeous.

I'm just so proud of myself.

There wasn't much food talk in this post, but I wanted to share a couple snacks that I've enjoyed recently!! Avocado has become the love of my life and eating it with cottage cheese is the BOMB. I also did some boiled eggs (I did the baked boiled eggs that I mentioned in a previous post) and squirted some Wholly Guacamole into the place where you'd normally put your deviled egg filling. OMG that was delicious. I've also got some Vitatops in my freezer that I'm excited to eat soon. I love the Deep Chocolate ones with peanut butter on top.

Speaking of peanut butter, did I mention that I made my protein shake with vanilla whey protein, skim milk and a tablespoon of peanut butter?

I love food.

I've also tried switching up my workouts!  Kickball season is over so I've signed up now for bowling, which doesn't start until the end of October but I'm SUPER psyched!  I also traded ballet for tap class!  I'm really excited and will hopefully get my shoes in the mail soon!  Hopefully I'll still catch a ballet class every now and then, but mixing things up is always the way to keep things interesting.

Low Calorie vs. Good for You

This week's topic is brought to you by my being accosted in the grocery store by an old man who thought his peanut butter was better.

So I was walking down the bread and peanut butter aisle at the Hannaford because I wanted english muffins and peanut butter. This older gentleman was standing in front of the peanut butter, eyeing them all intently. I know what kind of peanut butter I like... I eat JIF Natural. It's the exact same stats as regular JIF, but all of the ingredients are things that you can pronounce. Like sugar. Molasses. Nothing hydrogenated.

Peanut butter is one of those things that I've really had to learn how to use sparingly. I measure it. I've actually gotten so good at measuring it that I can tell what a tablespoon of peanut butter looks like from memory. I definitely can tell when I'm eating more than a tablespoon of it. It's high in fat, so I try to be careful.

The old man grabbed the “Simply” JIF, which is 33% less sugar. He looks at me and my peanut butter decision and says, “You know, this is better for you.” I honestly didn't want to get into the argument of “it's still peanut butter... none of these are 'good for you,'” nor did I want to get into the fact that just because something is “less sugar” doesn't mean that the processes involved in making it less sugar make anything “better” for you.

It brings up the idea of what is really “good for you.” There's a lot of things out there that give us benefits with consequences. It's part of creating a healthy lifestyle; balancing those consequences to do what is really good for you. Some examples:

Protein bars. I used to have about 4-5 of these a week. They're low in calorie for the amount of protein you get out of them, so that's nice. They're also quick and easy to throw in your bag or in your desk drawer at work. Unfortunately, they're packed with so much sugar it's insane. Are they “good for you?” No. They're artificial and essentially protein packed candy bars.

Protein shakes. There's two different kinds. I mix my own whey protein at home. It has 2 grams of sugar and loaded with all kind of nutritional stuff. I mix it with milk or juice. There's also the premade kinds in the bottles in the refrigerated section near the salads at the grocery. Those are delicious. Some of them do have tons of good for you stuff in them. They're also packed with sugar.

Diet soda. Light yogurt. “Diet” food. Most of it's processed. But yea, it's low in calories. And weight loss is all mathematics. Calories in, calories out. But at what cost?

Try your best to get the most for your calories. Eat things that fuel your body and that give you the nutrients you need. Not to say that if you have calories left over at the end of the day, you can't treat yourself. There's a reason that it's taken me so long to lose the weight. It goes by many names. One of those names is “cake.” Don't fill up your day with empty calories. Yes, you will lose weight, but through taking these processed foods out of your diet you create habits that will make your weight loss last longer. To be honest, I had a piece of cake last weekend, and I couldn't finish it. Just kind of lost my taste for it.

How'd my weight loss go this week?

Oh. I guess it went okay.

I MADE MY GOAL WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only have I made it, I've maintained it for 3 days! Yea, impressive, I know. But here's the proof:

I wanted to make it to 145. Now I'm working to get down to 140 and then I'm on maintenance.

The celebration was all in my head. I have no idea what I expected. Frankly I had always believed that my goal weight was unattainable. I never dreamed about what it would be like. And though it's taken so long, I still feel like it sneaked up on me. It came without my being aware. All of a sudden my clothes are smaller. I'm smaller.

And I'm so happy.