Love

No matter how much you abuse yourself, ignore yourself, hold everyone else up on sturdier pedestals than the one you're clambering to the top of... you can't leave. We focus so much energy on all the other people, the ones with free will. The ones that can leave us. Jobs we can lose. But then what if we lose everything? Our jobs, our friends, all of our relationships. You're left alone with yourself. Someone you may not even know.

Once upon a time I bragged about my love for having “me” time, alone time. The truth is that was the biggest lie I ever told myself and everyone else. I couldn't stand being alone. I would wad myself up in fetal position and cry because it's the worst feeling, being locked up alone with someone you don't know. Total stranger. And you can't throw them out.

I'm finding that my relationship with myself, as it grows, parallels the fantasies that movies give us. I surprise myself. With every challenge I take on, it's like I've found someone new. That rush that you feel, the heat in your belly when you fall in love. I get that feeling every morning when I walk into the bathroom, rubbing my eyes, pulling off my shirt and starting my shower and I catch her in the mirror. I'm in love with her. And the more I'm used to that feeling I wonder why we ever hurt ourselves in the first place.

With every new milestone I jot down in my fitness log I surprise myself. When my hands run over my skin and find all the new spaces, new firmness, new bones that I didn't know I had yesterday, I realize that I've finally shed off every protection I used to wrap myself in. 84 pounds of brick and cement, a wall to hide behind so no one could see me. I'm not afraid to fail anymore. I'm not afraid of pain or hurt. Or struggle. Or strength. This woman that sleeps with me every night and pushes me to be the best I can be, she's the love of my life. And I'm so sure now that if no one ever loves me in that low lit Hollywood type of way, timeless and all encompassing, I have the closest thing to unconditional love within myself. And I can never leave.

The best thing about this is I think the closer you come to fully accepting yourself and taking good care of yourself, it lets other people love you more. If you're putting up walls between you and the person you are, if you aren't reaching your full potential, imagine how much you're hiding from those trying to connect with you. That has to be why relationships fade. Why friends lose touch and lovers leave their keys on the kitchen table. Unless someone really knows you and accepts you, they can't be expected to hold your hands through your growth and change, inevitable steps that life takes. The difference between surrounding ourselves so we're not alone and surrounding ourselves with positive feelings and true comfort. Real people. Reality.

This week I've been a little discouraged with my workout. It's not “easy” and I do groan and sweat... but I'm not feeling the change that I felt doing Ripped in 30 and that's been a slight bummer. I tried increasing weight and found that the number of reps that 30 Day Shred has isn't conducive to heavier weights. I lowered my weight and it seemed easier and I didn't really like that feeling either. But I'm going to keep going. I know I'm getting stronger. I can do 10 push-ups in a row and could probably do more if I pushed. I can get into Wheel Pose. Maybe it's getting past moments of change that you can see, it has to be moments of change that you experience.

I had the greatest run yesterday. Building muscle really helps with performance, I'm finding, and there were times where I was keeping the 8 minute mile pace. I'm terrible at pacing and I know that's something I need to work on when Half Marathon training comes along. But for now, I just kind of enjoy seeing how far I can go on my timed workouts.

Yesterday I went super far. Week 3, Day 2 workout on Bridge to 10k, I went 6.21 miles in 1:07. That's a 10k. The first 5 minutes of that is walking, per instruction from the app, so just imagine if I got to run for those 5 minutes instead of walking, i.e. a race day scenario. That makes me happy. Of course, I couldn't find a 10k that fit into my schedule, so I've got the 12k in May. Got to get up over 7 miles. It would be fun to be able to do 6.2 miles in 1 hour. But I'm rambling now.

The weather has been crazy. Right now, it's snowing these small flecks of glittery whatever, earlier it was a heavy snow that I could slip in. Yesterday started out sunny but the cloud cover didn't yield any precipitation. This was my second run in my newest shoes and I'm really happy with how they work. I decided to try to take on the problem I had last time with my toe... and made a pretty painful mistake. I wrapped the toe in a band aid, which in the world of that one toe was perfect. It didn't blister, and I didn't feel pain from it. But I didn't consider how that band aid would affect the rest of the foot, so I'm doctoring my poor little toe. Had to change up my workout this morning a little because I couldn't do high knees without an excruciating amount of pain.

What made me happy is after that run, I woke up this morning with slightly sore, tingling legs. I'd missed being sore so much.

Workout log this week is pretty straight forward:

Monday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 1 and Bowling

Tuesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 2

Wednesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 3

Thursday: REST

Friday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 4

Saturday: B210K, Week 3, Day 2 – 6.21 Miles

Sunday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, Day 5

So tomorrow will be the last workout in Level 2. Then on to Level 3 for 6 workouts and then I'm done with 30 Day Shred. That went by fast. It goes by fast now that working out is nearly a more exciting priority than the food I eat. I look forward to it and I miss it on rest days. I'm delighted and fearful and have a feeling of adventure thinking about moving on to the next challenge.

I am trying to up my ability to do push ups. Did 10 yesterday and today. Going to try to gradually add more push ups as the month of March progresses. I've got a schedule to get me to 50 by the end of the month. Let's see how that goes.

Food this week was interesting. Sunday, after I posted, I got to cooking and made two pretty tasty items. I made some Buffalo Chicken Chili and Blueberry Lemon Muffins. Of course both of these recipes came from Pinterest because I feel that if I'm going to spend so much time on Pinterest drooling over the food, I might as well enjoy some of it!

The muffins were difficult. And I think I only wanted to make them because I was bored. I only ate 2 and gave the rest of them away. They're very wet and you have to let them cook in the muffin tin. Might actually not be a bad idea to use those metal-looking muffin tin liners. I don't even have a picture! I have no idea what I was thinking. The original recipe is here... and there's plenty of pictures there. Here's what you need:

1.5 cups flour
1/4 cup sugar
1.5 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup apple sauce (I used Mott's natural)
2, 6 oz containers fat free lemon yogurt (I used Stoneyfield Farms because they don't use artificial sweeteners in their fat free yogurt).
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla
zest of 1 lemon
2 cups blueberries

Preheat oven to 375 and spray 12 muffin cups with cooking spray. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Set aside. In another bowl blend apple sauce, yogurt, egg and vanilla. Stir the wet mixture into the flour mixture until just combined. My batter wasn't as “thick” as the original recipe described. Add the blueberries and zest and stir gently. Divide the batter between the 12 cups and bake for at LEAST 15 minutes, if not more. They were very, very wet. I would almost half the blueberries, mainly because as they heat up they bust open and the juice just adds to the wet.

They tasted good. Had a cake-like texture. Not bad.

My Buffalo Chicken Chili was delicious. I had it Monday for lunch with a coworker, shared it with another coworker during the week, and then my handsome gentleman and I finished it off Thursday night for dinner. I do have pictures of this... so... here we go!

1 Tbsp olive oil

2 chicken breasts, cooked and shredded

1 (15 oz) can of white beans, rinsed and drained (I used Goya's “small white beans”)

1 small onion, diced

1 large carrot, sliced thin

2 stalks celery, diced

½ green pepper, diced

3 cloves garlic, shredded on a microplane

1 (28 oz) can crushed tomatoes

½ Tbsp paprika

½ Tbsp cumin

¼ cup buffalo sauce (I like Frank's brand. If you like it hot, use more. This wasn't very hot at all).

In a metal pot, cook the fresh veggies and garlic in the olive oil for 5-8 minutes. Add the paprika and cumin. Add the tomatoes and hot sauce. Bring to a boil. Once boiling, turn down to simmer and let cook for 50 minutes. (Seriously, this is the longest I've cooked in a while, but so worth it!).

At the end of 50 minutes, stir in chicken and beans. Heat until everything is heated through. Very good as leftovers.  My rendition came out to 213 calories.  Feel free to add cheese and all that good, stuff.  Handsome gentleman had it over rice. 

I think today I'm going to update my running playlist... always good for giving a little more umph. I've got a 5k not this coming Saturday, but the one after, so going to be running some 5k distances during lunch hours a couple times between now and then. Need to see how fast I can get it done! I'm longing for Spring like you wouldn't believe. I don't really mind the cold, it's the slipping hazard side walks. And my new shoes aren't too good for cold days (lots of ventilation) or for accidentally stomping in melted snow puddles (lots of ventilation).

At the end of March I'm going to be flying back to Kentucky for a quick visit. I'm already worried about eating. Already making dates for running. There's a 5k going on that I'd love to sign up for, but that would cut into visiting time. So excited for people to see me so small.

Stretch Marks and Shoveling Snow

I don't have stretch marks for noble reasons. I've never been pregnant. Never carried a baby. I have stretch marks because I used to put away entire large pizzas by myself. Three cheese conies. Side of cheese fries. Spicy chicken sandwich combo meal, plain, large size. Chinese buffet. 38 inch waist.

They don't bother me so much. Sometimes it's a bummer that I'll never have a pretty, tanned belly. It's like two, white clawed hands pushing up out of my pants, cradling my belly. Scarring like I wore a crown of thorns around my hips and with ever pound I gained, the wounds were made deeper. I actually remember when I got the ones around my navel. I was married. And I thought to myself, “Well... that's it... you've officially gotten too fat.”

I've got them under my arms. A little of my inner thighs.

But now I have them as a type of reminder. Of what I did to myself. And what I'm capable of.

Yesterday morning, I finished Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30. That's right. Met my short term goal. And I feel like if I'm able to do that, I'm able to do any workout I want. Here's the fitness log this week:

Monday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 3

Tuesday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 4

Wednesday: REST! (I needed this rest day more than I knew...)

Thursday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 5

Friday: P90X Yoga X (couples exercising!)

Saturday: Ripped in 30, Week 4, Day 6 and a lot of shoveling snow

Sunday: Going to do some yoga later... some nice, relaxing yoga...

Wednesday I felt like crap. I took my rest day early and I needed it. I went to bed around 9 and just slept and slept and by Thursday I felt great. Friday night my handsome gentleman and I did his yoga routine together since I was sort of snowed in there. It was an hour and a half... wow. It was interesting, working out together. We'd never done that before. And it was cool to see what he could do and what I could do. I seemed to be more flexible on some things... he was able to do the things that required tons of strength. Of course he had a one up on me since he'd not only done the routine before, but he's in the 2^nd phase of P90X, so yea, he's strong.

Saturday morning I threw on the sports bra right after breakfast, determined to get my final workout in. There was about 17 inches of snow on the ground, so there was definitely some shoveling in our future... but I knew I'd be mad at myself if I didn't finish. I'm so glad I did. Then we got bundled up and went out to shovel. Both of us surprised ourselves. I've never been in this good of shape. We shoveled the ENTIRE two lane driveway, including the crazy stuff that the plow leaves at the end of the driveway (that was all him...) in about 2 hours. A little less, considering when you stop, breath, and look around. Today I've got sore abs, arms, upper back, hips... but it feels SO very good.

That was just a validation of the progress I've been making. The ability to do something I never thought I'd have the stamina to do. And seriously, I'm by no means perfect. I've still got this extra skin, especially right in the front. But it's definitely decreased over these past 30 days. That gives me hope that if I keep it up with the fitness, I can get rid of even more of the extra baggage I'm holding onto.

I started Ripped in 30 at 134.5 pounds. I had a 30.5 inch waist. 38 inch hips.

This morning, I weigh 134.1 pounds. I have a 28 inch waist. I have 36.5 inch hips. Way back when I first started Weight Watchers, I wrote in my LiveJournal (yea, I'm old) that I'd read that you should have a waist circumference of less than half your height in inches. I'm 64 inches tall. That's 32 inches. I never thought even that was possible. Now it's under 30 and I'm amazed! Here's some “after” pictures, since I was too self conscious to take any “before” to show. But we'll call these “before” pictures for my next leg of working out.

This week, I'm going to do mainly yoga and stretching, take a week off from the hardcore workouts and enjoy the body I've got. I can do yoga so much better now. I could stand in “tree” pose for hours... with my foot all the way up into my inner thigh.

Then, on the week of February 18^th I'm going to start Jillian's 30 Day Shred. My office is closed that day, so that'll be nice. I'd like to pop it in the DVD player and fast forward through it, just to see what I'm up against.

In food this week, it was a little hard. This is the week of the glorious PMS so Monday and Tuesday I gave in to SO many temptations. I think I ate my weight in candy... and of course it was candy that I didn't put in my tracker (thought I DID track my chocolate covered pretzels). So Thursday I got this brilliant plan to kick the temptations. I put a post-it on my desk and every time I actively thought, “I'm going to go grab a piece of candy,” I put a tick mark down. As you can see, I had 15 on Thursday. If I had eaten a Starburst for every one of those desires, that's 210 calories. That's breakfast. And it worked... because on Friday, as you can see from the photo, I had less of them. It's true, when you give in to desires, it's harder to deny yourself them. And really, it's okay to DENY yourself CANDY. It's not like you need it. Have some strawberries.

Here's the food log for this week:

Monday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Strawberry and Avocado Salad

Dinner: Salmon and Sweet Potato

Snack: Yogurt and too much candy/pretzels

Tuesday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Strawberry and Salmon Salad

Dinner: Broccoli & Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast with Cauliflower and Broccoli

Snack: Cottage Cheese, Pineapple and too much candy/pretzels

Wednesday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Frosted Mini Wheats in Milk

Lunch: Sweet Potato and Chili

Dinner: Buffalo Chicken Salad and Cinnamon Stix (told you there was bad stuff...)

Snack: Almonds

Thursday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Peanut Butter and Banana Oatmeal

Lunch: Strawberry and Avocado Salad

Dinner: Ham and Mashed Potatoes with Side Salad and Broccoli (kudos to my handsome gentleman for this meal!)

Snack: Almonds and Kettle Corn Popchips

Friday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: Triple Chocolate Vitatop with Peanut Butter and Banana

Lunch: Chili with a roll and grapes

Dinner: Pork tenderloin with noodles and brussels sprouts

Snack: Frosted Mini Wheats in Milk

Saturday:

1^st Breakfast: Protein Shake

2^nd Breakfast: 3 eggs with salsa

Lunch: Frosted Mini Wheats in Milk

Dinner: Veggie Calzone

Snack: n/a

Today I've had my protein shake, I've had a fried egg with bacon, and I had a veggie burger with some fries at the local cafe that I love. I'm still full... so no idea what dinner will be. But I have a pork roast in the crock pot to have this week and I made these Skinny Strawberry and Chocolate Chip muffins that I saw on Pinterest. YUM!!

 

I linked the recipe above and I did exactly what the recipe said. You don't mess with baking. It's chemistry. But it smells so good and I did taste the batter and it's delicious. I probably won't eat any until second breakfast tomorrow. I did punch the recipe into MyFitnessPal and I called 2 muffins a serving... 4 grams of fat and about 280 calories. I'm picturing a taste like chocolate covered strawberries.

Bought a couple things to try this week. Cinnamon Roll flavored Frosted Mini Wheats. Chocolate Fiber One cereal. Fiber One protein bars (I had some Fiber One coupons, obviously).

I've got mixed feelings going about taking an easy week working out. I know it'll feel good and such... but I don't want to be lazy. I'm sort of taking a cue from my handsome gentleman's P90X workout... he just finished a between phase week that had yoga and abs. I'm sure it'll work well. It'll also give me a chance to get over mother nature's super awesome visit. But I love it... because it is the only weight loss I get anymore.

Okay. Time to pull some pork.

Quick Post: Holiday Survival Tips and MORE Cookies!

You're about to enter a dangerous time.  You're moments away from being submerged into bottomless vats of desserts and fat and sugar and gravy.  You're going to have to do battle against those who aren't trying to watch what they eat and will make you feel guilty for not cleaning your plate.  Luckily, I'm here to help.

Tips for surviving the holidays are at times contradictory.  There's a fine line drawn between not depriving yourself and over indulging.  If you don't have the strength to keep from eating 5 cookies, then no, I would not advise you to eat a cookie.  I've definitely achieved that level of self control, so when I baked the cookie recipe that I'll share with you below, I only took one.  That one rocked my socks off... but I only had one.  It helps knowing that I'm going to share them with others.  I want to make sure I take enough with me.

Some things to consider when it comes to the holidays... same principles can be applied to anything celebratory.  Birthdays.  Family reunions.  Anytime when you're doing something outside of you routine that strengthens your resolve.


1.  Do your best to keep true to your already-established eating schedule.  For me, this involves my protein shake in the morning, a second breakfast at 10:00 AM, lunch, a snack midday and then dinner.  If your family's holiday festivities start at 2 (so many people eat at 2 for the holidays... and that screws me up!) then prolong your eating as much as you can.  Be the last person in line.  Consider this you midday snack.  I'm sure there'll be more food around for you to eat later when you get hungry again.

2.  Ignore "But it's Christmas..." and other excuses on why you should over eat.  I've said it many times, bad behavior breeds more bad behavior.  Sure, today's Christmas.  Tomorrow's not.  And tomorrow, when you wake up with a belly ache because of all of the stuff you crammed down your throat yesterday, you're off your game.  Stay alert.  Again... I'm a big supporter of "don't deprive yourself" but if you're full, don't eat a piece of pie.  Treat food like food.  Eat it when you need it. 

3.  Not all holiday food is bad!  Fill your plate with veggies.  If you're contributing to the meal, bring a salad!  Turkey's not bad.    You just don't live every day with the volume you'll be up against.  Fill your plate like you always do.  And don't say a word. 

4.  Exercise!  Dinner's not until 2?  Kids are up and playing with their new toys?  No one is going to miss you for 20 minutes.  Go for a quick run.  Pop in a workout video.  If you burn calories today you're going to be less likely to overeat. 

I've already got my Christmas-day workout in mind.  We should have some flurries that morning, so that'd be fun to run in.  I'm probably going to be toasty and warm indoors with a video before starting my day.

Now... to the COOKIES!  These cookies have fruit in them.  Hah.

This is another cookie recipe that I scored off of Pinterest, so the recipe isn't mine.  These are from Better Homes & Gardens, a White-Chocolate Cherry Shortbread.  I went a little cheap and didn't get the $12 bar of white chocolate.  I also mixed it up a little and dipped some of my cookies in semi-sweet chocolate to give it a chocolate covered cherry taste.  I waited to try one until I had the chocolate on them... and wow.  Very tasty. 

This recipe says it makes 60 cookies but I made mine bigger.  I love soft cookies and pretty much every cookie recipe I make ends up with soft cookies.  Here's how it went down on my end:

4 oz maraschino cherries, drained and finely chopped
2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, cold and cubed
4 oz white chocolate chips, chopped
1/2 tsp almond extract
Addition chocolate chips for dipping

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.  Spread cherries on a paper towel to drain well.

In a large mixing bowl, combine sugar and flour.  Mix in your cold butter until you're left with a crumbly mixture.  Stir in cherries and white chocolate.  Stir in almond extract.  I left out the food coloring, but if you want to really make them red, mix in some red food coloring.  I think they're plenty pink on their own.

Knead the mixture with your hands.  The heat from your hands will melt the butter slightly and keep it together.  Shape the dough into balls and place them at least 2 inches apart on a prepared baking sheet.  Using the bottom of a drinking glass dipped in sugar, flatten balls.

Bake for 10-12 (more like 12) minutes or until centers are set.  Cool for 1 minute on the cookie sheet and then cool on racks.

When all of the cookies have baked and cooled, melt your additional chips in the microwave.  Heat for 1 minute at 40% then 15 second intervals at 100% until hot. 

Don't dip the cookie, that's what I learned about 1/3 of the way through dipping them.  Just press half of the top of the cookie into the chocolate.  Let the excess drip off and use a spoon to knock some of it off the edges.  I did some semi sweet, some white, and some mixed.  I tried a mixed one and whoa.  Yum. 

Hope everyone out there has a happy Christmas!  and remember that a holiday is no reason to ruin your progress.  It's just another day.  Enjoy the company, but let food do what it does every day.

Last tip?  Weigh yourself every day of the holiday.  I woke up this morning to my lowest weight... so you never know what could happen.

Batches of Cookies & Skinny Jeans

 Well, I did it. On Sunday, while at the local outlets, I slipped into Ann Taylor Loft and while hidden behind the thick dressing room curtain... I slipped a pair of skinny jeans over my hips. Figured since I've been constantly pulling up my size 8 jeans, and since I tried on a pair of 6 bootcut and they fit well, I should try the size 6 skinny jeans. Of course these are “curvy” as I do still have quite the hips.

Size 6 were enormous.

Tried on the 4.

I could fit both hands down the front and there were these unsightly bags on my tush.

And then there were 2s.

And wow. I own a pair of size 2 jeans. Don't go too crazy saying, “OH MY GOD KATIE I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!” It's seriously a fluke. And if you want to feel good about yourself rush on our to the Loft and pick yourself up some curvy skinny jeans. I almost think the size 6 bootcuts are a little baggy in the lower belly... but generally I like some wiggle room in my jeans. I'm finding that with this tighter, smaller body I'm finding many more reasons to wear things that are a little more snug.

But gaining this pair of jeans makes me feel so good during a time that I've not been able to exercise much. I've finally gotten over this cold, but it snowed recently and for some reason the idea of running on untreated sidewalks doesn't really sound like fun to me, so I'm resorting to all indoor stuff. I feel chubby and out of shape after 2 weeks of laying around and I know it isn't the case. It's just a good motivator to have a pair of pants that leaves so little to the imagination. I can't screw this up.

What do I do next? Oh, I make cookies!

Of course, just like last year, these aren't for me, so I can't mow them down. And where last year I made my old, faithful recipes, I wanted to try something different this year. I made all of my Christmas-time cookies off of Pinterest. So these recipes I'm about to share are not my own and I'll link you to the original blog that they come from, but the pictures I post and my experiences are all mine.

First I made Triple Layer Fudgy Mint Oreo Brownies. I go back and forth on mint & chocolate. I hate Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies (maybe it's because I don't care for dark chocolate?). I like Andes Mints and York Peppermint Patties. And I like these brownies. Fabulous. The original blogger made their frosting and brownies from scratch, but we all know that my attention span can't handle homemade, so here's how I made them:

One 7-oz jar marshmallow fluff

1/8 tsp mint extract

green food coloring

1 batch of brownies, from mix

12 & 18 cool mint Oreos

¾ c white chocolate chips, melted

1 container vanilla store-bought frosting

Preheat the oven according to the brownie box. In a medium bowl, stir together the marshmallow fluff, mint extract and 4 drops of food coloring.

Prepare the brownie mix and stir in 12 hand-crumbled Oreo cookies. This is always interesting because the frosting sort of makes them squishy. Do the best you can. I had a super helper through all of this and she was a pretty good crumbler. Once your cookies are mixed in, spread the batter into a prepared pan.

Drop ½ cup of the marshmallow mint mixture onto the batter and swirl it through the mix. Bake this for 23 to 30 minutes. Take notice of how your oven does and what the box of mix says. Cool completely.

While cooling, combine frosting, the reserved mint marshmallow mixture and the melted white chocolate chips. Stir in 4 more drops of green food coloring. Spread this mixture over the cooled brownies.

Sprinkle with 18 hand-crumbled Oreo cookies and slightly press into the frosting layer. Allow top layer to fully set before slicing.

Mine were pretty hard to separate... but wow were they tasty. I wrapped each one separately in plastic wrap to put them into goodie bags for my coworkers. I've had one person report back that they're good. Hopefully that'll be the consensus.

Next up I made two very easy cookie recipes, a Nutella Cookie and a Rolo Cookie.

For the Rolo Cookie, all you need is 1 package of Devil's Food Cake mix, 1 pkg of Rolos, 2 eggs and 1/3 c vegetable oil.

My Oreo-crumbling happy helper opened up the Rolo wrappers for me while I mixed together the cake mix, the eggs and the oil. You take a small bit of this batter in your hand and form it around the Rolo. It's hard not to get too much, you really don't need much. Once you have them wrapped, place them on a prepared cookie sheet (parchment paper is my preparation of choice) and bake for 7-8 minutes at 350 degrees.

They won't change too much. It just cooks the outside and melts the inside. Be careful of the hot, molten caramel when you bit into a fresh one.

The Nutella cookies were even easier. I bought store brand Hazelnut Spread because I'm cheap. All you need is a cup of that, a cup of flour and one egg. The original recipe calls for sugar, but you can leave that out.  Mix ingredients together well, roll it in little balls, schmoooosh the balls with the bottom of a glass and bake for 7-8 minutes at 350 degrees.

The last cookie recipe I'll share have gone over rather well... to me they're not terribly sweet but they have a fabulous texture. I halved the batch of frosting, so I'll share my calculations with you. These are Root Beer Float Cookies.

Cookie Ingredients:

1 cup butter, softened

2 cups packed brown sugar

2 eggs

1 cup buttermilk

1 tsp root beer concentrate (or extract, it's found in the store with the extracts)

4 cups of flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

Frosting Ingredients:

2 cups powdered sugar

6 tbsp butter, super soft (you can also use shortening or lard, whatever you're into)

¼ cup milk

1 tsp root beer concentrate

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

In a mixing bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well as you add each. Beat in buttermilk and root beer extract. In a separate bowl, combine remaining dry ingredients. Whisk together then gradually incorporate into the wet mixture.

Drop by tablespoonfuls onto prepared baking sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until lightly browned (I baked mine for 9-10 minutes). Remove to wire racks to cool.

To make frosting, whip butter and extract together. Gradually alternate adding powdered sugar and milk. If you want a different consistency, try adding a bit more of either of these ingredients. Frost the cooled cookies. Let the frosting set before you put them in a container.

I've had a number of these root beer cookies. They're soft and have a great texture. I actually had 3 of them today alone. Definitely recommend these.

I don't know how I survived or how I ate new things before the invention of Pinterest.

I have another batch of cookies I want to make before Christmas. Looking forward to having the time off from work to spend with some people I love. Can't see everyone I love this year, but should be a good holiday. Hopefully I'll get in some quality workout time in.

Make all of these cookies with caution. I don't want to be responsible for someone's caloric kamikaze.

So Much Food, So Little Stomach

I believe I've mentioned before the lady that came to one of my Weight Watchers meetings who had legit food addiction. It wasn't just ooooh there's some chips in my kitchen, I can't help but eat the whole bag cause it's there... it was more like I'm going to have to get in my car and drive to the cupcake shop because I have to have a cupcake now and if they are closed I'm planning to throw this brick through the plate glass window.

I don't have a food addiction.

I just really like it.

When we eat when we're stressed, eat because we're bored, eat to fill some void that we'd rather not notice as empty... it's not an addiction so much as comfort. When we stop eating for comfort and succeed at losing weight, we have to find something else. Sometimes we have to deal with comforting ourselves and that can be scary. Food did all the work before this; I'm really not used to dealing with myself on so many occasions. Leads to a lot of tears and curiosities.

The last few days I've been terrible with the overeating. Don't get me wrong, it's not exactly for comfort... but the dangerous realm of hunger. I've graduated to 5 small meals a day now; First Breakfast (protein shake), Second Breakfast (anywhere from 100-300 calories), lunch, afternoon snack (100-200 calories) and then dinner. It's funny how little I can usually eat at any given sitting, but it's actually a little annoying how often I need to eat.

First and second breakfast I can understand. The main reason I don't eat both at the same time is because I get hungry at 10:00 AM no matter how much I eat before work... so rather than add to the calorie count, I've been splitting it in half. Works great! And I'm hungry again by noon...

The afternoon snack is a new phenomenon that occurred when my office switched back to normal operating hours, 8:30 AM to 5:00 PM. Getting home before 5 allowed me to eat dinner early and then do the exercising... or exercise and then eat dinner by 5:30 PM. Now... well, I'm hungry at 4:30 and it's really really REALLY hard to run when you're hungry. You get a little pass-outy... at least I do.

Here's what happened to my stomach in the last few days. I had intentions of not repeating my pattern today but I'm sitting here stuffed. Makes me upset, so hopefully if I talk about it, come clean about it, Monday will start off as a better day. It's got to, honestly, because I won't be around so much food.

So Thursday night my gentleman caller (the one who likes vegetables and we kind of broke up but not really because we kind of see each other more often now and that's a story for another time and another blog and I'm going to get back to the food now... you're still reading the paranthetical aside... la la la... doo doo doo waaaah. Okay, I'm done) invited me over for dinner and we got some Applebee's takeout. I went running before I went over, ran 5k, and didn't have my afternoon snack. I was ravenous.

Against my better judgment (salad) I decided on the Lemon Shrimp Fettuccini because dammit I had been really good all week and I deserved the calories.

I was pretty damned stuffed.

And I always say bad behavior breeds more bad behavior... and that's absolutely the case.

Friday we had a luncheon at work. Had to leave the office around 9:30 AM to get there, set up, do all that, then the attendees started showing up around 11:30. What's that mean? That means I didn't get second breakfast. So by lunch... I had one and a half desserts on the table, had all my salad, and TWO dinner rolls. With butter. Fortunately I didn't eat all of my main course... but I was pretty full. The belt around my cute new dress that I got for the occasion was fairly tight after that meal.

Then I go hang out that evening with my gentleman and his kiddos and there's potato chips and I eat those... then there's spaghetti.

I felt about thirty pounds heavier.

Saturday? Oh, Saturday was hellish in the food world. I had first breakfast and then didn't eat lunch until around 1:30 PM. Had another event for work that I went to. I didn't really eat too much there... but I was so hungry that food didn't actually sound good. So I ate a lot... then when I left I stopped and got a frosty shake, which was sucked down before I even got home (I did get a small, at least) and then I order CHINESE FOOD because I can. Yea.

So this morning I was only up 2 pounds... still below goal, so that's good.

But today I thought would be better. But I'm so full. I didn't go too much over my allowed calories though, since I went running this afternoon.

Tomorrow my goal is to not be over full. Hopefully that'll create positive habits again. Detox that pesky overeating out of me.

I made some tasty stuff this week though that I wanted to share.

First, simple stuff. More ways to eat avocado? Yes please. I had some Special K crackers, Laughing Cow Cream Cheese wedges and avocado. The flavor on the Special K crackers didn't really compliment the avocado well, but the cream cheese and the avocado was super together! I'd recommend a different cracker, something without spices on it, spread on the cheese and top with a slice of avocado. Yumtastic.

Next up, I saw a Sweet Potato and Black Bean Quesadilla on Pinterest so I decided I was going to make something similar. I had butternut squash though. So I used a serving of butternut squash, half a serving of low sodium black beans, used La Tortilla Factory's low carb tortillas (80 calories, what?) and some reduced fat Sargento mexican shredded cheese. It was good. :D

I finally tried that new Perdue Simply Smart frozen chicken... I used it to make Chicken Parm.  Yum.

I went crazy with the food making today. Did some more baked boiled eggs to have this week at work. Today I made some cupcakes that I saw on Pinterest (sans filling because, hey, too many calories) and I FINALLY cooked myself some spaghetti squash. Let's start with the cupcakes. Here's what I did:

Halloween Cookies n' Cream Cupcakes

1 box white cake mix

3 egg whites

1 cup water

1 stick butter, melted

24 Oreos 

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 muffin tins with cupcake papers and place one Oreo in the bottom of each one.

In a mixing bowl, combine cake mix, egg whites, water and melted butter. Mix with a stand mixer, hand mixer, or with an arm of steel if you happen to have one of those until well mixed and creamy.

Divide the batter evenly into each cupcake paper. I used a knife to get the batter to drop down around the cookie because it is rather think. Don't fill the whole way, but it will be more full than you'd expect.

Bake each muffin tin separately for 20 minutes. They'll be golden on top. Cool for a bit in the tin to finish cooking, then cool on a rack.

For the frosting I went lazy and did the following:

1 ½ tubs of Pillsbury White Frosting

Remaining Oreos in the package, crushed well.

I mixed the two together with my mixer. If you're planning to pipe your frosting onto the cupcakes be sure ALL big pieces of cookie are pulverized because there'll be a lot of annoyance digging those chunks out of the tip.

One cupcake comes out to 300 calories. It was good and dense and tasty, not too sweet. The cookie is a little softer so not too hard to bite into.

Yum.

On to the spaghetti squash. The entire time I was fixing this I thought to myself, “there's absolutely no way that this is a good pasta replacement...” and I looked forward to chomping down on stuff that tasted a lot like squash.

But then I tried it smothered in marinara sauce.

It's absolutely sufficient for a pasta replacement. Holy crap. It feels just like angel hair pasta in my mouth. And it's 40 something calories for a cup! Holy night! Here's what I did:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Split your spaghetti squash in half with a machete, or perhaps some sword you just pulled out of a stone. Scrape out the seeds and innards of the squash and spray the inside with a little olive oil spray. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.

I baked mine for 45 minutes. Let cool for a bit before you start scraping the insides with a fork. It really does shred up like pasta, it's creepy and strange! I really didn't believe it until I started doing it and wow...

So I had 2 cups of this stuff. With a ½ cup of marinara. And a cupcake.

And I'm stuffed again.

I'm not looking forward to stepping on that scale in the morning.

Baking for One... I WISH!

Baking after a significant weight loss is... bizarre. No really. It's like taking a drug addict and dropping them head first into a swimming pool full of cocaine. There's a reason why I had 50 pounds to lose (cough... or more than that, but who's counting? Are you counting? You really shouldn't be, that's rude...). I must have the self control of a cloistered nun because I'm about half way through baking the cookies and I haven't even had one yet. And I don't want one. I'm making these for other people to enjoy. In times of the long, long ago I would have already had three...

Today I made my two signature cookies that I've literally been making for the past 10 years. My grandmother always loved my no-bake cookies (her favorite type of cookie anyway) and I have yet to find another human being that makes them as well as I do. Normally I'm fairly modest about things but in all the things people can do I rock the house at no-bake cookies. And I'm a giver, and it's almost Christmas, so guess what... you're going to learn how to make them like I do. And then your no-bake cookies will also rock the house. Houses will be rocked by these cookies. Here's what you do:

FORGET EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT NO BAKE COOKIES.

Have you done that yet? I can wait.

You will not put these in the fridge. You will not cover them for 12 hours. And if you do this, I promise you, you will have the most moist and soft no-bake cookie you have ever put in your mouth. I have a technique for making them too.

Before I start the recipe you need to prep your surface. I have a small place, so I do this on my “dining room” table. You will need paper towels and parchment paper (it's found in the aisle with the waxed paper, but don't use waxed paper). Make two rows of three paper towels and then cover this with parchment paper. This is where your cookies will cool and set.

The recipe begins like so:

2 c. granulated sugar

¼ c. Hershey's cocoa

½ c. milk (any kind... I've done it with skim and 2% both)

¼ c butter (that's half a stick)

1 tsp vanilla extract

½ c. creamy peanut butter

3 c. instant oats

In a nonstick cooking pot, combine sugar, cocoa, milk and butter. Turn this on over medium to medium-low heat to start. You don't want to burn this. Start stirring until the pot looks like a dark chocolate hot tub... your butter will take a while to melt all the way in. About the time the butter has melted down but still has a small shape, you can bump yourself up to medium heat.

While this is happening, you need to be ready with your oats and peanut butter. If you need to measure them out before you start and set them aside, do it. This comes together really quickly and you don't want to miss it. Also, have your vanilla out with a teaspoon ready.

Once the contents of your pot hits boiling, keep it on medium and time it for one minute. Just one minute. Let it boil. At the end of that minute, I want you to drop the teaspoon of vanilla extract in before you cut off the heat. It will make a magical popping boiling awesome song and dance. Remove the pot from the heat.

Pour in your oats and get all of the peanut butter on your stirring spoon (I used a cereal-eating sized spoon for this) and starting by stirring in the middle, mix everything together. Then move to the edge of the pot and pull any unincorporated ingredients in to the mix.

Once mixed, take your pot over to the table. This is where you'll be glad you used a non-stick pot not only because it's easier to get your ingredients out of the pot but because non-sticks usually have the silicone handles which is good when you're standing with this pot for 5 minutes.

Spoon out the cookies onto the parchment paper. They will not be “baking” or changing from the way you put them down, so feel free to spread them thin if you like them that way. It will retain its shape.

Once all the cookies are down, keep your hands off. Let them cool for at least an hour before you come along with a spatula and flip them over. I made a different batch of cookies while I was waiting and so giving them time was easy. They can cool here overnight. If you make them during the day, use your judgment, but don't be afraid to let them sit out in the open for a long while. Nothing bad will happen. They will stay moist and delicious. When you pick up the cookie, it should stay together. If it starts bending, you didn't let them cool long enough. I've eaten many a runny cookie though... it's still good.

I know all of those things seemed very specific, but it's how I've always made them. Even the first time I did it this way they came out perfectly. I believe it's all in the cooling. You don't have the fridge speeding up the process unnecessarily.

The second kind of cookie I made today probably helped in putting all the weight on me. I can't stop eating these once I get started. I love moist cookies... and these are the epitome of moist cookies.

They're called Chewy Chocolate Reese Chip cookies and I'm pretty sure the recipe is on the back of the Reese chips because really... what else would they be good for? I, again, have a special way of making sure they stay moist... so listen up.

2 c. all purpose flour

¾ c. Hershey's cocoa

1 tsp baking soda

½ tsp salt

1 ¼ c (2 ½ sticks) butter, softened but not melted

2 c. granulated sugar

2 eggs

1 2/3 (10 oz bag) Reese's chips

1 tsp vanilla.

You will need a stand mixer (or have a roommate resembling Popeye the Sailor Man) to mix this up.

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F.

Stir together the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt in a medium bowl. Set aside. In your mixer bowl, beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the two eggs and vanilla; beat well. Gradually add the flour mixture, continuing to beat. This batter is VERY thick. You'll get to the point where you think your mixer can't take it anymore. Then you can stop.

Pour in the bag of Reese's chips and fold those in. You might need Popeye's help for this, but make sure to get them well incorporated.

Prepare 2 baking sheets with parchment paper. I use two because this does take about 4 time through the oven to bake them all... but you can get away with one.

Shape the cookies with your hand... give yourself a bit smaller than a golf ball size of dough and put 9 of them on the baking sheet. It really all depends on how big you make them how many you'll end up with. I came up with 36 today.

Send the first pan into the oven and bake for 8-9 minutes. They will NOT look done when they come out of the oven, but that's okay. Sit the hot pan aside and don't touch the cookies until the next batch is half way through baking. I average destroying 2 cookies every time I make these. This time I only destroyed 1 (which will go in my mouth probably around the time I post this)... just cracked another. They are very soft so be gentle.

Continue this until all cookies are baked. They will flatten out when cooling and won't look as cake-like. This is the key to keeping them moist, not over baking. You might be able to see the difference in the picture... the lower level of cooling cookies are much flatter than those still on the sheet.

I love these two types of cookies and I always seem to make them when I want to give cookies away or have a get together where I'm assigned the dessert. I hope you'll give them a try and enjoy some holiday cheer along with me!

How is this healthy? Well, it's not. We almost killed a pound of butter. We used oatmeal, that's heart healthy, right? I guess the lesson learned here is moderation is the key. I went to the gym before I made them. I didn't bake on an empty stomach. I haven't even had a cookie yet... (I'm eying destroyed cookie number one though...). You have to give yourself a treat or you'll go absolutely crazy. And one cookie won't be the end of the world. Really, if I ate all of these cookies by myself it wouldn't be the end of the world. I might be sick... but there's always tomorrow to be better. It's a way of life... not a quick fix to be healthy. You won't gain 10 pounds eating a cookie... no matter how much it might feel like it.

As for my weight loss this week, I am down to 162.8 this morning. That's 1 more pound to get back down to where I was before I gained a little back in August. And I was kind of a naughty girl this week. It's all in portion control and staying active, I swear. And not getting discouraged when you eat Chinese food, blow up like a parade balloon and put on 2 pounds that you'll lose in 2 days. You can do this.